So when jo picked me up from the bar I kept apologizing and kept telling her "I'm just a wittle donut"
When I woke up his cat was sleeping on my face and i had scratch marks on my neck. not happy.
only room for one pussy in that bed.
when I sang my humps to you I meant it.
Just did a line with lance bass. Only in NY
If this outfit doesn't get me pregnant tonight I don't know what will...
It's like god touched my soul and said 'you will be great in bed'
It sounded like he said "don't stop" but all I could hear were his balls.
I woke up with his condom in my mouth. I actually use them now you should be proud of me.
I think I will always strangely appreciate as well as kick ass at stoned dishes. Like for the rest of my life. Thank you slave job at Starbucks.
We put a ban on pants at an unusually early point in the night.
Thanks for the Beyonce article. In other news, I just passed a man with the state of Florida tattooed on his face.
Well if you don't want to be kicked out before last call don't I would suggest stop drinking whiskey and don't call the giant bouncer with the neck tattoo "princess"
My body is telling me there was tequila. My pictures say it was Jeff's fault
I had a sex dream about Fox Mulder, and the Royals just won the World Series. My life is complete.
So here I am, sexting at work.
Randomize
