she asked me if i can do her a favor, came over, and gave me head then left. i still dont understand how that was a favor for her.
I fucked your brother... Hey, at least we know he is not gay... You're welcome.
And I'm not sure if that's how you pluralize penis. Never planned on needing to know that in my life.
I had a 10 minute conversation with the refrigerator, it was telling me how it likes to be opened and closed. Ecstasy, I love you.
What part of a retired stonemason dealing with your rock hard cock does not sound like you have the wrong number ?
I knew it was going to be a good night when my mom said "Have fun, be safe...wait, do you need any weed for tonight?"
My purpose is to unleash drunk self on strangers, i believe as some terrifying icebreaker, otherwise i too would offer my driving services.
He said he didn't want to go down on me so I told him we were going to have an oral stalemate.
I learned a valuable lesson about combining day drinking with malt liquor: you may think you have super powers, but that's just the Steel Reserve talking.
Saw your dad at the bar last night... And again this morning when he left. Told you not to mess with me bitch.
I wore the clothes I got arrested in last night to work today.....there is no where but up from here!
He said 'I really struggle with the sin of lust' then we proceeded to have sex. So I guess it was a perfectly executed Catholic pick up line?
Come get your boyfriend. He is hammered talking to me about hot dogs and casinos.
Why is my belly button ring in my ear
The cop was standing next to me when I texted "haha" to your phone...didn't realize that he had taken it already...
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