is it odd that your cat looks tougher than you?
but there are maragaritas for $3 so that was all i needed to hear
Just spit on a sock to clean a spot on my glass table. Oddest combination of so lazy and motivated ever.
I knew it was different as soon as you told me you slept with him and didn't tell me about his dick
You need to always be prepared. Like a sex firefighter.
Apparently I used ziplock bags to smuggle my drink out with. By pouring it in one, then cut the corner like it was an icing bag later that night. What is wrong with me?
Well girls crying gets you hard so you're not really a good standard to me
why is there a fishing net hanging from my ceiling fan?
I'm doing laundry from this weekend.. That poor shirt I wore to the rave smells like a dead animal that rolled in weed and pain..
Nothing says "we're never gonna bone" like "nice haircut, it makes you look like my cousin"
His roommate walked in then asked "well did you at least finish". What a way to start your birthday
Riding your boyfriend's dick for an hour then waitressing for 8 hours. Would not recommend.
He's got a beautiful penis, I can't lie
I'm going to be such a slut in Europe I've already decided
Send me dick pics. We'll make a scrap book
Turns out my mom didn't really want to know I was in a new dimension last night from smoking so much.
Randomize