woke up at my desk with a paper in front of me that says "people stranded on islands love having wet dreams" what the fuck happened last night
I just dont think you can meet a stranger after youve heard them cum through the walls though
He has in a pan: ten pieces of bacon, two cloves of garlic, an egg (not scrambled or hard boiled, just an egg) and frozen corn.
I look like a zombie and smell like a stripper. Its gonna be a good day.
more embarrassing than that time i showed up to class in my hoodie and leggings because i over slept, and then as i zipped my hoodie down i realized i didn't sleep with a bra on or a shirt
Who the fuck superglued glowsticks to my arm.
People spilled so much that there was a thin film of beer on the floor. You took a running start, screamed, "SLIP AND SLIDE!" and slid face first through the drywall.
I am his drunk Jesus. I will love him from afar because he's my little lamb
Oh man, are we repeating last 4th of July?!
That shouldn't even be a question, it's a tradition now. Hope your manhood is ready.
Is there some sort of line being crossed when your shower activities start to involve jimmy johns?
I made a half way decent playlist
Im gonna call it "hanging myself"
I offer naked tickle fights and orgasms and you call it trouble. I call that Christmas.
As he put it in he shouted "geronimo!"
Wow... So was the sex good?
Yeah but it doesn't matter. My vagina is not a pool.
You know you're out of shape when you're sore after masturbating.
Kinda thinking about going to my moms wedding high
Randomize
