i was sitting in the back seat of her car with her boyfriend while she was driving. it was pretty awkward, but i dont think "so my dick's been in your girl's mouth too" was a good ice breaker
I have the Lakers game on, but all I can think about is having sex with you. Not sure what you've done here.
this girl is having heart failure because she lost her feather...a gypsy blessed it in turkey. Not sure im high enough for this
I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
Ok the fact that you know THAT phrase perfectly is terrifying. You just proved you can slut it up in mulitiple languages.
You wanted to thank my penis. You wanted me to take the condom off so you could touch it and thank it.
S.O.S. he's talking about horses and breast feeding.
Just successfully invited my mom to a drag show. If that doesnt say "im gay" then idk what will.
He sent me a recycled dick pic! He could at least use one without sunlight in it, considering it's 10pm
Dude. Steinbecking. It's when you double-fist coffee and alcohol to help you meet a writing deadline.
I woke up with a meat pie in my hand and my mouth tasting like an ashtray. I'm a catch, really!
Why do I always end up with closet ICP fans?
My stuff that was at your place last night smells like doughnuts. I'm not even mad.
you know that australian accents are like the bat signal to my vagina
JEREMY RENNER GOT DIVORCED. I STILL HAVE A CHANCE.
Randomize
