soo according to the calendar on my phone, I'm 5 minutes late to have sex with that guy from work. Apparently we planned this, I even set an alarm.
Theres two guys using a blow up doll to hold their beers while they float around the pool
Im on my way, tell them to get ready for a high-five
All you kept saying was "my dick ALWAYS causes problems".
had my ear almost bitten off in foreplay. the sex gods do not like me.
Most sexually ambiguous night of my life. Kept switching from the NBA finals to the Tonys.
No, that was the night I helicoptered my dick to oncoming traffic. Im talking about the night I ran naked down the street.
I just fully woke up, never smoking that much weed again. I had stress dreams about your house being surrounded by a lake and we kept losing our cars in it.
It was literally 8 o'clock in the morning. His horniness knows no bounds.
Christopher Columbus didn't sail the ocean blue so I would have to go to class and not have sex with my boyfriend
Last night's dream consisted of you, me, a sauce pan full of cocaine and light sabers. I almost cried when I woke up.
He was the highest I've ever seen. Almost had him convinced there are only three colors in the rainbow...
The power of my boobs compel you
orgy was averted by karaoke, thank god
Should I wear my "kiss me I'm highrish" shirt for my drug screen today?
Being single again makes you realize how guys can go from licking your asshole one night to never texting you again
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