I dint menn to makr ut w brtendr
Wat???
U lft me at bar, no cassh for cab, may have slept with bartender
Fuck you I wanted that fabulous flaming homo to win american idol...its like we lost the gay marriage vote...again
You picked the wrong day to call in sick. She's wearing the librarian glasses today.
If Billy Mays did an infomercial on your dick, it still wouldn't get you laid.
every time I hook up with him I think about the fact that penicillin was a mistake too... and look how well that turned out. It makes me feel just a little bit better.
just woke up with an anonymous loaf of bred in my bed and a piece in my mouth. this says alot about my life.
I'm half bulimic - I binge but forget to purge
Dude you can't just initiate a threesome via twitter
Had to belly crawl across the floor to the toilet with my eyes closed to puke my life out without making my hangover worse. Three times.
after tonight, seriously nothing could taste better than toothpaste
If I can't get slightly excited by the thought of his face between my legs then I know I can never sleep with him.
i woke up this morning and saw her in my bed and i said to myself, I think I might have a drinking problem.
Yep I can make a seagull sound. It's identical. I tried it. They thought I was talking to them. It's pretty cool.
I asked him why he was eating an entire can of refried beans, the only answer I got was "revenge"
Who wakes up at 9 and says "let me send a pic of my dick to my ex gf"
Randomize
