i just rode the bull and i see vomit in my future.
He belongs with you like a mcdonalds playground belongs in Chernobyl
My Hamptons summer hookup resume reads like a walk-in clinic waiting list.
You were playing beer pong by yourself. Finally someone took the ball and threw it into the bonfire. You sat by it, cried, and contemplated how to get it out. For 45 minutes.
I was so scared, I actually heard my grandmother's voice in my head saying if I get pregnant, then my vagina will fall off. And then I'm going to die.
so,apparently a side effect from having sex on the beach is now i have a tanline shaped like your sister
i hate you
i just was bootyclappin in front of homeless men in a back alley
may or may not have figured out a way to make my mom a drug mule to bring me ecstasy...
Drunk Jeff aka Dreff thinks he's about 3x cooler than be really is and about 100x better at dancing than he really is
in a last ditch attempt to make life awkward after i die today i want to be buried naked and have an open casket funeral.
I just had a sexting conversation using medieval jargon. I think he is a fine suitor.
You know it's been a rough week when you funnel beers by yourself.
Please tell your friend to stop shitting in my closet.
I realize that my conversation topics seem to only be about bees and my cross dressing fiance. Thank you for being my friend.
Her pegging playlist is all heavy metal so stay away if you wanna keep your ass intact
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