i just pooped in tubberware. not a proud day
Im in the beachers at wrigley listening to four lesbians debate the pros and cons of 2girls1cup. Success.
They need to add a relationship status option on fb that says "having the baby of..."
you thought you were invisible so you started narrating your actions.
We just found a handle of vodka in our fridge and no one knows how it got there. God I love spring break.
after eating me out, he asked for something to drink. i gave him a glass of water and he said he needed something stronger.
she fell through a window trying to flash someone
I found my underwear on the sidewalk 8 blocks from her house while on my walk of shame. I also found our beer bag and a full beer in the bush.
He was having an allergic reaction to that new brand of vodka Eric brought, so he just started chasing with benadryl.. Talk about commitment.
I'm having mini little movies in my head. Like for example. You were talking to a blue whale with jazz man sunglasses, but not the ray charles jazz sunglass. More like sunglasses that are round. Anyway, he has a baguette and stupid french hat. And you , you had your harry potter glasses.
Don't be too mad at the guy who broke your kitchen table. Didn't get his name, but he knew all about your gay porn career. Like DETAILS...
at least its a cool name to shout when he's balls deep in you later
It's not a funeral, it's a celebration of life. Going commando AND braless is really just honoring him!
Are we DOING anything for lunch...if sex is involved, let's just be straight forward and stop wasting the first half hour! We just need to get to the point
At what point in a new hookup do you tell the guy you need to wear a mouth guard when you sleepover because of your TMJ? Asking for a friend.
Randomize
