Adam has been drinking
Who has his phone
Adam does
I think my penis got bigger when i lost weight
im using old socks as coasters. im going to make a great housewife.
walkin around the woods blazed, drawing pictures of trees and plants, i get a grade for this
there really is only one way to give a PowerPoint presentation in your senior capstone class: still drunk.
Haha im Trying. This detox stuff tastes nasty. It's bad when the only thing that came to mind when i took the first sip was how good it would be with Vodka
Apparently you need a permit for a flamethrower.
you put your hands over the taxi driver's eyes and shouted GUESS THE WAY TO THE CLUB
Why do I have a missed call from "The Anaconda" ?
Look, opening a Guinness with a steak knife and nearly cutting your finger off to make another carbomb is always a good idea.
Nothing is creepier than a guy telling you "I was just thinking about you" in a men's bathroom when taking a shit
I remember him going "OH SHIT" when he saw you straddling me on the table. And it was like the best feeling ever.
Yo I get this girl alone in my room last night but she bounces cus she thought the full house poster was "weird"
You humped everything and cried in an uber.
I fit in backpacks. BOOM HERE I AM! Like a stripper from a cake.
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