I got three cases. When they asked for id I said it was suspended for drunk driving.
Am I allowed to make my facebook status "loves farting in chairs"? I think it would shock every boy that I am friends with.
Any girl that compares her vag to a hot ham sandwich is beyond a slut
our health teacher's ringtone is Bad Romance and she has a tramp stamp. i will not skip this class, ever.
Just saw your girl from last night... Be embarrassed
All I saw was a beagle come across the screen and explain the theory of relativity to me and leave
coming out of a blackout being surrounded by Disney police was not as awesome as it sounds.
Our sex has gotten so much better since we broke up.
I went around and congratulated every guy that had a beard for having one
Goddamn tequila
she shotgunned a can of v8, threw the can on the ground and said, "fuck bitches get money" then passed out on the spot
I also turned off the Anchorman DVD start menu before cause I didn't want Will Ferrel watching me lose my virginity.
We left the bar and you kept yelling "ONWARD SCION, TO GLORY!!"
I asked my mom if she could pick up something for me to drink since we ran out of orange juice and she goes "We have beer, champagne, and baileys. Drink one of those."
Fire trucks are here again. It wasn't me this time.
whatever. i don't need to be drunk to tell you i'd suck your dick if you had one.
Randomize
