I got us kicked out of the bar because the waitress found me in the kitchen trying to make spaghetti
we just ha sex. he lasted two minutes. i told him to leave because i had class
isnt today saturday?
i love when people i haven't talked to since we fucked write on my wall.
Where does it all go? I've busted inside of you like 10 times in the last week.
Mom's drinking. Just asked her if she was good to walk back to the condo. She seemed unsure until she remembered she brought the GPS. We are 2 blocks from the condo.
I NEED TO GET TO THE PLAYGROUND. I JUST NEED TO SWING. IF I SWING MAYBE THE SMELL WILL COME OFF OF ME. I NEED TO SWING
Fuck you, you can't judge me til you've smelt my boobs.
Do you think wearing a shirt that says I like penis is too much for tonight?
I'd like to request an "its my birthday discount", and for you to bartend shirtless tonight ;)
To give you an idea, there's a group upstairs trying to break down a door with their fists and heads.
Because she seems like the type to give it up for a box of fruit rollups.
You're the common denominator of my blackouts.
I'm just checking to make sure you don't want to go to the farmers market... This is an assumption based on the fact that you were slapped with a sandwich last night and you remained unconscious.
This town is a penis wasteland. I haven't seen a suitable penis in months. This is becoming an emergency situation. I need penis in my life
When campus security rolled up he stole their car and drove it like 100 feet. Then he walked up and gave back the keys because it was a hyundai.
Randomize
