"what do u think of parents raising kids to be peeping toms" said guy on bus 2 me
if you made me into a cookie and threw me into a betty crocker easy bake oven on christmas morning...that's how baked i am
We have to go find her fucking car. She came home from a 80 dollar cab ride, no shoes, and all she remembers is its at a burger king on a street with an H in it
We just spray painted his balls while he is passed out....I cant wait to see him try to figure this out in the morning.
My ferret is drunk. Someone told me you'd know what to do?
It's official, I've know hooked up with everyone I carpooled with in middle school
I got a phone call from security asking me to do my laundry wearing more than a blanket next time.
I didn't plan on sleeping with him until he told me his mom is deaf.. Then I felt bad.
Someone at all my grapes... if it was you or one of your hoodrat friends I swear to god I'll shit in your shampoo
Not sure if it's my shorts, hat, shoes, hair or soul but one of the above just got me drunk again from the glorious aroma of Keystone Light.
He wants me to have his first child. So that makes four gay men that've called dibs on my eggs.
I didn't realize how trashy of a night we had.
Welllll, you did eat a cherry out of my pussy. So I think that classes it up a little.
Just to let you know... If you ever want to get me a gift, the One Direction perfume comes out soon....... It's called Our Moment. It's an appropriate gift for a 25 year old woman.
Donated a pint of blood at 6 and pub crawl started at 7. Thank your lucky stars I'm still alive today.
New rock bottom. Woke up at 7 am fully clothed in a bathtub full of water. I hate myself.
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