Call me so I can make it juicy for ya
just passed a tour group on my way home. the guide actually said: 'and THAT kids is whats known as the walk of shame'
I just punched cris angel in the balls. I have photos.
he breathalyzed me before we had sex.
To make up for the snow days we missed he's making us write a paper on alcoholism. It's like he knows.
I feel like Tiger Woods should send Jesse James a gift basket or something...
At first I was confused when I woke up with shards of glass and pickle brine in my pants. But then I remembered I hung out with you last night.
Just got off the phone with poison control. They're more concerned about our alcohol intake than that the beer bong was last cleaned with pine sol.
Ok lesson learned. Don't lick the spoon when making mushroom chocolates. The kitchen walls are melting.
She cut off the top of a watermelon and is now eating it with a spoon. She's more than half done.
I think I'm coming down now. I almost started crying because I lost a piece of paper.
Fuck at this point id do just about anything for 20 bucks
That has been your downfall in past encounters with 20 dollars bills
I need to stop drinking and eating and start working out. I look like the lovechild of John Goodman and Jabba the Hutt.
Apparently I filled my purse with chicken nuggets and told my mom I was a "sexual squirrel."
If my bootycall doesn't bring over a Baconnator, I swear to fucking God, I'm not letting him in. The hunger is that real. Forget his Persian dick.
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