ok understand this, i didn't pay for your dinner bc you said i wasn't going to get a blowjob for at least a month... this isn't a mail-in rebate deal, you gotta pay upfront
He tried to eat me out in the bath... I said it was a bad idea, but he said it was good snorkelling practice for vaca.
At one point in time, he cried and said I didn't appreciate him.
This has been the biggest binge-drinking season of the decade.
I'm doing the Macarena naked in my living room right now
I see you're taking unemployment seriously.
But the real question is how many people didn't see my dick last night?
I hope our bodies realize that workaholics starts tomorrow and will be well enough to handle the hell we are going to put them through. amen.
I have a LOT of reasons to worry about radical feminists taking my lady balls, frankly. A lot.
You're 21st was epic. I woke up at 6 a.m. on the floating beer pong table in the pool with a beer still in hand. Didn't even spill any
I basically gave Miranda rights to the guy I hooked up with, jus so we were all clear what was happening
I don't really feel bad about it, but I legit just squirted in the back of an Uber and it makes me think how many times has this happened before?!?!
I swear she is the Mary Poppins of drugs
Do we have to do this party tonight? I'm worried my bed will miss me...
You know it's a good night when the word slut is imprinted on your ass and your hands smell like lube.
I just want a man in my bed on a regular basis, who cuddles, and who I can also occasionally hang out with outside of my bedroom. Is that too much to ask for?
Randomize
