There are few people I can ask this w/o being looked at as insane... Do you ever some days get fascinated by how amazing your own breast look?
You called information & said "connect me to johnny depp" when they told u it wasn't listed u said " try depp comma johnny he's expecting my call"
i've lived in the woods for so long, as long as its post-op, i don't care.
they told me her nickname is "wizard sleeve"
pick me up NOW
Omg just woke up. 6am. random apartment. broad daylight. bunch of ppl doin coke around me. Theres a bridge nearby. I think my dentist is down the block. Oof.
why is my clorox wipe dispenser full of tortillas?
All I know is that it's pretty damn mean to put a glass wall in a bar.
tell me why they applauded then the bartender locked himself in the bathroom when i walked into the bar today ????
Ps this homeless dude just came in hotel bar w a sword sticking out his jumpsuit trying to buy a drink w a 3rd party check
There are twenty thousand men on this campus, please have sex with someone who isn't my drug dealer
Just accidentally flashed my junk to the lady helping me try on suits, it was cold in there, I don't think she was impressed.
He sent me a slow motion video of him jerking off...it was so long (the video not his dick) even I felt awkward watching it alone
They took the TVs out of the gym and the mini-Mart only had 2% milk. 2015 wants me to be fat
You are in my phone as "Thigh Gap" and you apparently work for "DO NOT DRUNK TEXT, INC." That is why I called you six times last night. So unless you take a second job at "NO DRUNK DIALING LLC" expect more. PS I am sober so this is legit.
These flip flops mean I'm casual, but I'm here to fuck.
Randomize
