she calls it her "sourpuss" because everyone makes that face when they see it.
And we will make penis cookies and eat them suggestively
and then some norwegians asked us to be in their porno.
She's locked herself in the bathroom with a tub of icecream and she's watching my little pony on her phone. We know it cause she sings with them.
sometimes after I smoke and the high has gone away...the high will come back like three hours later for a brief yet gripping ride.
that's usually when I end up in someone's house, having sex with someone else, while that someone's roommate makes us mozzarella sticks.
well I was pissed. first he yelled at me for having my own condoms, then he got mad when they didn't fit him. Dude, I only fuck magnum men.
I left the guinea pigs on the dryer. Make sure to take care of them.
I don't know whether to call the hospital or call the prison first.
you peed off the balcony at your sisters and asked someone below to catch it with a cup
BECKY! ITS ANDY FROM LAST NIGHT WITH THE PILL
Andy, Sorry you have the wrong number. But good luck with Becky!
You are one of my favorite baseball you have fun today
She gatecrashed the wedding and managed to get an invite to the open bar reception. Lucky bitch
You KNOW it was a good night when you find French fries AND taco remnants in your bra when you get home...
I'm concerned I may die tonight. All I've been told about my bday shenanigans is to bring slutty clothes, a bikini, tylenol, sunglasses and pjs. Tell me what the fuck is going on...now
bring lube too
i hate all of you
no its a draw, weve been through this, when were keeping score on getting laid i get a plus 1 handicap each week because of your British accent! its only fair!
Randomize
