I caught myself masturbating while watching a baseball game today. It was over before I realized what was going on. And then I was just confused.
And we will make penis cookies and eat them suggestively
Best text conversation ever. Other than the one we had about using blood for lube.
He asked me if we could throw a lingerie party together so I guess he's single again
we walked around the neighborhood with caution tape tied around our foreheads, making indian noises. I might have disturbed a crime scene to make a native american headdress.
Unemployment check just came in. As soon as I stop pretending I have morals I'm buying weed. Puff puff pass uncle sam.
The cops just showed up and arrested her. It's our 2nd date. Do I have to hang out her with her 3 kids until she makes bail or can I leave?
I woke up with the Dorothy costume at my ankles, both sparkly red shoes on, and clutching ToTo....we're not in Kansas anymore, dude
WHAT IS PROPER BONG ETIQUETTE FOR WHEN YOU'RE ALONE IN YOUR BATHTUB AND CRYING?
To keep it classy I will take a pregnacy test on Mother's Day
Please tell me those naked pics were not your mom. Lie if you have to.
I'm so happy we share a mutual love of laughing at religion.
How are you supposed to wish the guy you send nudes to good luck for the first day of his new job??
You know more about his cock specs than his childhood. Proud of you
i feel like doing his laundry was not included in the job description when we became fuck buddies.
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