oh god the rape fog is back!
so my bro's bff came over...we had an awkward "yeah we fucked and can fuck later, but let's just pretend it didn't happen in front of the family" hug.
We just built a bong out of a pineapple. I am never leaving hawaii. Ever.
Well, we missed our public lewdness court date. Looks like were going to jail in Alabama ...
I told the girl in his bed not to bleed on his sheets like the last one.
ok, my life is complete.... the cops AND the paramedic just made a Mean Girls reference...
I have a challenge for you: find out where you are. you will receive Taco Bell if you succeed
She kept sniffing my sweater and tried to guess what type of detergent I use.
I will seriously deflate and melt into the floor into a puddle of devestation, shame and vodka.
Better than road-head. Just got model-home-head. Also got a disapproving scowl of judgment from the realtor on the way out.
The money is just too good to quit doing it. I'm using the same justification strippers use.
Do you ever look at someone's Snapchat story and think ‘you told me you would eat my ass’?
I just put condoms in a mason jar because it looked prettier than the box.I think I've peaked.
If I ever drink whiskey again make sure I don't eat the plastic cups that I'm drinking them from.
Is it just me or is it like a girl gets married and all of a sudden she’s a “blogger”?
Randomize
