ok plan lets look hot and dance like whores.
JOSHUA! WE ARE SO BREAKING UP!
what?
YOU'RE DRUNK AGAIN, ARENT YOU?!
Im in search of the perfect penis, it would be unethical for me not to test run them.
Should I take my grandma to a keg tomorrow or not? Serious question
Your headphones are on the door knob and I left you a burger on the door step.
eating jello out of the cup. with my face. while on the toilet. i am at my lowest.
Told some guy to hold your weave while you "tried" to kick his girlfriends ass...
This morning confirmed it...there's no maybe about it. She definitely wasn't born with it. It was definitely the Maybelline.
Dude, please tell me you know why there's a naked chick asleep outside my room.
I swear, when I turn 21 in four months, I'm going to carry a flask around with me, and make a drinking game out of everything.
Leave it to me to sleep w a guy who gets poison ivy on his dick
I DIDN'T WATCH THE PILLSBURY DOUGH BOY PORN!!!!
you know maybe it wouldnt be so bad if it hadnt happened before. At least I didnt blow him this time
Funniest thing happened to Chloe! She talked the bf into a mmf threesome, and he loudly and enthusiastically discovered he was gay during it. Whole dorm literally heard it happen.Well funny for me. Chloe not so much.
I need advice on ways to politely say “fuck you on your way to hell”.
Randomize
