Is it a little weird that I have a ridiculous urge to have sex while the theme song to the Pirates of the Carrbibbean blares in the background?
The Lord gave Farrah Fawcett 1 wish when she died. She wished that all children in the world would be safe! The Lord granted her wish and killed Michael Jackson.
as evidence of my kitchen this morning my night involved alot of mustard and condoms
Pants on the Ground is the theme song of my life
At least he could have found a MILF, she's a dbl bagger. No wonder he goes to counseling.
Yeah..you can't spell Prozac without Zac(h).
he went down on me with a nose plug on, you tell me how it went
If I remember who won the superbowl tomorrow morning.. I think I'm just going to quit drinking. There really won't be a point anymore
Seriously, I'm ready to settle for ugly and unemployed as long as he has decent hygene and likes to go down.
Just so you know, my new pet parrot tried to bond sexually with me today. That is what Google told me. I'm not sure of its gender.
On a better note: I'm on pace for 730 female produced orgasms in 2013.
I just closed two deals on my laptop from my bathroom while smoking a bowl, like a bawssss. Working from home is my favorite.
i'm pretty sure you can't sue someone for "Taking a shit on my kitchen floor."
You're his holy grail. The moment he finally gets you to orgasm he'll probably just retire and become a monk.
You barfed off the front porch while the elderly neighbors were walking their dog. We had to convince them not to call 911.
Pics or it didn't happen.
You call it sex. I call it penis conditioning.
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