she was sure she was an eel. She spent 40 minutes sliterhing on the floor to get to her room
He made a note in his iPhone tonight so that he would remember that I rejected him.
the girl next to me in class just threw up in a waterbottle during our exam.
Thanksgiving. A stoners favorite holiday
in hindsight, $10 Malibu buckets were a terrible idea...
I'm concerned you might be passed out on a random rooftop right now. Not concerned enough to do anything about it. Hope you're alive. Goodnight.
My printer just jammed because one of the condom wrappers I threw when we had sex in my dorm
I should have known I was in trouble when you started pouring shots all over me
I had such a pleasant walk of shame. The sun was shining, I smiled at all the high school suckers who judged me on their way to school, and I made friends with an old guy and his dog.
She's just done the monthly not prego dance around our kitchen
You are like a vicious sex animal persistently seeking prey
Well on a lighter note, I had sex in a food truck.
Two words: blizzard sex
He is a sweet angel sent from dick heaven!
No more pre-dentist shots, I just puked on my hygienist
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