So I'll spare the details, but I think I discovered I'm lactose intolerant. In my sleep. And you'll be needing new sheets.
How fortunate humanity is that it need not rely on the female orgasm for procreation
I hope that he knows just because i pissed in his bed doesn't mean were together.
I'm eating tomato paste and drinking banana juice that is expired. Can we please get groceries tonight?
you kept telling everyone how your ninja turtle shell also functioned as a backpack
do not get into a discussion with my roommate when im sitting there naked ever again.
I didn't scare your mother by showing up on the roof, did I?
No really tho I'm wearing a chucky cheese shirt and yoga pants. If that doesn't scream no sex idk what does
We'll find out our level of friendship after tonight. You'll be helping me move a body. My body.
I've been here for three hours and I am already feeling sorry for whatever offspring i will indefinitely produce in this place.
I pray for you bro.
Please come quick there are people in suits here judging me
For breaking and entering. I think neighbor dan cared more about me puking in his backseat than the surprise of me waking up there
He was smart enough to bring a condom to our study date so I mean I'm sure he'll do fine on the test
I just remembered how you stole the slinky from me. Bitch, I will NEVER forgive you.
I don’t care how cute or big a guy is I’m done with drunken hand jobs. It was like I was pulling a nine inch bungee cord for 25 minutes. Now My arm and shoulder is dead
Randomize
