i just googled 'classy porn'. high, low, i dunno i just got bored of cum shots.
Maybe if you date her you can take a dump on her
is it weird that i feel like i won the break up because my status change got two comments and his got zero?
he let me duct tape his mouth because i said it was my fetish, i really just wanted him to shut up
My mom just found some of our lube mixed in with my box of pots and pans. I hate moving home.
I hope so. I just start to question my lifestyle when i pee on coffee tables
just start off by saying "hey, i cockblocked my friend last night and need to make it up to him, could you help?"
Whenever you feel bad about your life, just remember the time I tried to swim while high and thought for a minute I was genuinely drowning
doing laundry. just found my fishnets from Friday. the ENTIRE crotch is torn out. guess that answers the "did we have sex in the cab" question.....
We stopped midfuck cuz a guy was walking his dog. Who the fuck walks their dog in the dorm parking structure at 3am!?
I'll keep you from getting pregnant and you keep my papers gramaticallly correct
He just got dropped off drinking a flask, sitting on the handlebars of a chinese delivery man's bike
Tonight's gonna be epic. Did he bring my noodles?
The best part of the night was you shouting "I have to take the LSAT tomorrow" between shots of fireball.
Being severely attracted to someone you find is your cousin just made my list of top 10 worst feelings
Omfg 7 hour sex session who am I?
PS: I think I'm in love
Ability to walk tomorrow tbd
Randomize
