just threw up while drinking by myself. This is all your fault. You here = a good night, You not here = alcoholism
Getting up at 8 this morning to drink could be the best and the worst idea we've ever had
To make up for the snow days we missed he's making us write a paper on alcoholism. It's like he knows.
I'm at the airport and there's a guy wearing all camoflash to go hunting .. Should I bump in to him and say woahh sorry didn't see you there?
I wasted some perfectly good semen on her
I saw you try to drink out of a soda machine at taco bell, don't worry about judging
It was as if you forgot how to speak normally. All of your words came out either backwards or in song form
high as fuck. watching parent trap with my mom. keep missing my mouth.
Guess which fraternity was just playing car to car frisbee in the McDonald's drive thru! Did you guess mine?
This isn't just a hangover. I can feel the blood moving through my veins, and it hurts.
You were all "think outside the box, inside the bag!" as you filled your camelback with beer.
I will no longer accept nudes from you because I met your boyfriend last night and he seems like a nice guy
Got a minor my first day of college from the bike police. I'm gonna like it here
He called me in the middle of the night to ask my shoe size. Apparently big feet would make me an unsatisfactory third for the threesome.
Is it too early to start looking for freshmen penises to corrupt with our liquor and yoga pants?
I was just wondering the same thing! Gotta be any day now
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