there's got to be a less slutty way to tell him the baby isn't his
I can't believe he would be such an ass
Your boobs are way too big for you to be worrying about anything.
She's never allowed to turn 21 again
I wonder if i could put a dildo on my bike seat to encourage me to exercise.
That's why I don't chug things. Because when I was a freshman in college tequila came out my nose.
You don't understand. He was so ginger that he could make red hair a dominant gene. And I refuse to torture my future spawn like that.
How was my weekend? I just blew my nose and a gram of coke fell out. My weekend was fantastic.
My team for a project is gonna have weekly meetings at a bar. yessss. they will do all the work while i thor hammer down beers.
I think I hit my head on every surface in that apartment last night
I DON'T EVEN KNOW ONE MINUTE IM SITTING HER THE NEXT IM FLYING PASSED THE MOON
PISSING MYSELF IN ZERO GRAVITY
THOSE AIN'T STARS U SEE TONIGHT GURL
I found a video on my phone from last night... You got up on the table at McDonald's and screamed BURRITOOO!
This little girl and her dad are walking behind me. "Why is he wearing pajamas?" Mind your own business, kid.
I don't fucking know. He perched his parrot on his dick. I left after that.
I just told my mormon professor that I was late because I was getting a STD test... good start to the day.
Naptime over. I've got fresh contacts and tequila. RAAAAAAGE!
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