i was so high i thought his mole came off and was flying around
its awkward enough using a urinal next to your dad but its worse finding out hes one of the guys who goes no hands and moans it out
and everytime i fart i feel like in your heart, you can hear it
Then he told me I had the most beautiful looking vulva
Got kicked out of the baseball game with a 4 officer escort. Not bad for a monday night.
Dude you has no fucking this poptart
What?
I dont know to explain this.
For once I want to have sex without having to google the after effects of it.
So i know i shouldnt being spending random large amnts of money...but i just bought a sword.
You tried to pay for our cab with the 2 dollars you got from selling your natty ice outside the strip club.
I was like wtf you can warn a girl like hey I have a huge dick and I fuck for hours
Someone google feeding your vagina Advil and Neosporin
I got drunk by myself and ended up listening to Beethoven in the dark.
who orders an old fashioned in 2014? even my Grandparents think you're an asshole.
I am drunk at 8am listening to Cyndi Lauper and dressed up in a penguin suit
RICK BROUGHT THE HOT BARTENDER HOME. SOMEONE CALL THE FIRE DEPARTMENT, CUZ RICKYS ON FIIIIIIIRE.
lmao nvm she punched him in the face and left
I am so horny that I an legitimately concerned for your safety when I see you tonight.
Randomize
