once I found out that a naked stripper wasn't gonna pop out of the cake I kind of just lost interest in the party
I think he thought he was a gentleman because he bought me the most expensive plan b at cvs
Apparently as she was dragging me out of the club, I was clinching onto this european guy screaming at Jenna: that's the 12th time you've cockblocked me tonight
Lol. No. We cannot eat chicken while we have sex. No.
nah i think i'm gonna take my landlord's kids trick-or-treating instead. apparently the houses around here hand out wine to the adults and candy to the kids.
I found someone's tooth on the stairs when I was vacuuming, and my sister found a catheter in the men's bathroom... this cleaning job is dangerous
You could make a naked club. One member, you. One president, you.
I love you. We're gonna celebrate your 21st by putting people in duct tape bikinis and pushing them down tequila slip and slides
you said "this ones for the homies" and proceeded to pour the shot into your other cup instead of the ground b/c "good liquor is not meant to wasted no matter the circumstances"
Side note: Hot guys are now getting with ugly chicks. Alert the media.
me and him got disney princess makeovers at disneyworld. this is why gay guys make the best friends.
Oh my god the guy at DQ just gave me the number 69 and winked at me
I just wish the first erections of my life didn't take place at a dentists office but hey whatever I turned out alright
All I know is I woke up cuddling a jar of peanut butter....
I'm trying to imagine how upset he was when he realized that he had been cockblocked by a picture of a sloth and I am drawing indescribable pleasure from it.
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