Just saw the pics you left in my phone. thanks for reminding me that last night was not a dream.
Now you know why i just sit on the toilet and scream
Her underwear doesnt even match. If youre going to be a face book whore at least have matching shit.
He just sent me a dick pic with his iPod held up next to it and the words "in relation to iPod." Geekiest booty call ever.
I went to his work to give him some blankets and ended up blowing him in the bathroom. See what happens when you don't come over?
Go ahead. I tried to back up ur budhism story but she mite be catching on
Dammit. I hoped that would work. Just tell her I'm doing my pilgrmidge to Nepal or something.
It was a cry at the bar alone type of night, served with a side of passing out facedown in my nachos.
Your cat is quite the conversationalist after some tequila and shrooms
When I said 'i love my boyfriend' I didn't mean 'send me a picture of your penis'.
How do you feel? I threw up in a towel. Also, a lot of other things.
By the way can you translate "sorry, she played you bruh" to Spanish? Some Hispanic guy who spoke absolutely no English callled me last night and when I tried to tell him he had the wrong number the response was "como? No no no no...." And then click. He was gone
Your bf is wearing nothing but a cape, I mean absolutely NOTHING but a cape. I know you said he looks like Thor but this is getting a bit ridiculous.
Of course the sales lady was judging you, you bought a pregnancy test, ky jelly, diet pills and a 6 pack of red bull. Even i'm judging you.
It's sunday night and I just went to the store to buy cookie dough and condoms, I'm so proud of myself.
He thought it would be sexy if he found my clothes and dressed me, and it was..until he found a thong under his bed and assumed it was mine. It wasn't
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