my mkouth tastes houw teh zoo smelllls
her lazy eye was starring daggers at me.
Just passed a strip club with a Marquis sign that said 'tis the squeezin'
Somehow I don't trust you in this state to talk to you about a colonoscopy
So I wore a corset to school. Fuck laundry.
I'm still confused. So he's NOT your cousin by blood, but WAS your cousin, on two separate occasions, by marriage? Still too weird I think...
I'm so jealous of your sex life. You know it's awesome when thinking about the sex you had last night brings you tears of joy.
No. You're getting a Viking funeral and I'm pawning your shit.
Thanks for being the best husband and reassuring my fuck buddy that you're comfortable with my adultery. You da real MVP.
I couldn't really understand you because you were really quiet and I said "I don't know what you're saying, it's kind of a big mumble" and you said "that sums up my life"
Isis wins if we don't have the loudest, kinkiest sex in every part of my house tomorrow
I heard you ran into my sister lastnight. Do you remember making out with her and slapping my uncle?
It finally happened my mom knowingly gave me money to buy drugs i knew this day would come\n
My parents are coming to visit the 28th. How bad is it that I put a reminder in my phone to "hide sex toys"?
He wanted me to do the rubix cube. He thought it was hot.
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