what made you think it was a good idea to trust the girl that hides tequila in her backpack?
they're making a venn diagram comparing gummi bears against gummi worms...is this what i have to sit thru to get free weed????
my summer class's final was canceled bc it interfered with the world cup. he is giving us all A's on it. I love europe
drunk tastebuds have low standards.
Thanks for last night. Sorry if i was obnoxious. I respect your morals and i wouldn't want you to lose your virginity to a drunk girl in your mom's prius.
Talked to Nate, told him he was a douche. Will give details when sober. It's ok. You're my best friend together a wolf pack. Olive juice.
These freshman guys were trying to holler at me from their window, and I realized about 20 minutes too late that the best possible reaction at that time would've been screaming "FLACCID PENIS". Oh, and I found this awesome zombie charm bracelet you would love.
I think I'm just going to go like every guy on tinder who has a jetski. I'm doing this for us, Summer is coming.
Because I'm currently dying, lacking waffles, and vaguely convinced I'm an eagle
Note to self: Calvin Klein's are not safe to shit in.
stupid neighbors doing stupid yard work with their stupid kids when i want to do drugs in the backyard
My mother expressed her concerns about my drinking via a facebook message.
Just left the ER. Only good thing... my hot ass nurse Carlos stripped me.
God works in mysterious ways.
I have to lie to someone and move five gallons of fermenting alcohol across campus but after that i'll hit you up 4 sho
Yeah come over whenever. Weed gets here at 8.
I'll be there at 7:59.
Randomize
