i had 75 notifications coming from ur status. here i was thinking i had friends.
I had fun last night. We should have sex less often.
I told you I was good to drive
dumbass I drove... you sat in the passengers seat and steered with a paper plate
So I've only had a mustache for about 5 minutes and I'm already pretty sure it's the best decision I've ever made.
I've been here 20 minutes and some creepy old man told me he wanted to know what my insides felt like. I hate gay bars.
it only took me 1 hour to write 8 pages. i'm never doing school work without adderall ever again.
Leaving the dealer's house. He just gave me a sincere hug and said good luck. This cant end well.
Don't worry. I has chaperone.
I would explain the ketchup stains in the bed to him but saying I just got my period is so much less embarrassing...
Dude, you need to understand there is a fine line between "guilty pleasure" and in the closet gay
Everything is bullshit and I hate everyone
He's very cute and has a totally sit-able face.
All I know is I woke up cuddling a jar of peanut butter....
You are a genius and a whore.
Rarely does a man I fucked with upgrade from me
Randomize
