I'm youtube-ing children's choirs. Am I adorable? Or am I a child predator?
Predator. Straight up.
Megan Fox is the only woman I would let pee on me.
I'm similar. She's the only woman I'd ask to pee on me.
Ok yeah you're right. I'd ASK Megan Fox to pee on me. I'd ALLOW Erin Andrews to pee on me if she asked.
everyone made a circle around them and startd chanting fight fight. they wernt fighting, they were dry humping
So, halfway through sex he stops and starts crying. He said he's worried god hates him for all his bad decisions...think he meant to imply I was one of them...
Must be January. Theres a fat chick on an elliptical wearing khaki capris. Someone doesnt own any workout clothes
Have you ever seen an entire lecture hall fist pump? It's magical.
oh no you fucking didn't eat my mac and cheese you cunt
i think you ate grass..but you refused to open your mouth so we could see..
So I saw her today...and it was weird...she is just like not pregnant anymore.
Dude...how high are you? of course she isnt pregnant anymore...thats what happens when you give birth
Apparently "I have the beer shits" isn't the excuse my boss wanted to hear. So sue me
I spent most of my night in the men's room eating popcorn on the garbage can conversing with strangers pissing
I tried to find an emoji but none convey my excitement for receiving good sex soon
We need to step in, this can't continue. The guy she went home with last night looked exactly like Count Olaf, right down to the unibrow.
Which version tho, Jim Carrey or Neil Patrick Harris?
THAT DOESN'T FUCKING MATTER, YOU DON'T FUCK COUNT OLAF!!!
How was the party
I came home with only one shoe, a t shirt tied around my shoeless foot and I was covered in motor oil. Oh and my shorts were inside out. So you tell me
I don't know who's idea it was to get wine for a frat party but my poor pitiful hung over self really fucking hates them.
Randomize