Well listen chief - never again do i want the scenario of going to the ER totally naked and partially drunk to b a possibility.
Getting drunk in a different country is not a good idea. Lets just say spanish women, 17 yr olds from missouri, prostitutes, and a poodle. I don´t want to leave spain.
So you threw a sword at me last night
I honestly wish I could say that I was surprised.
we've had sex 4 times and he still refers to me as 'the chick in my chem class'
You just begged me to mute the porn and watch her ass bounce while listening to dubstep the whole time.
We sat on the porch laughing about hilarious the sunrise was. And that we can do drugs again in the morning, thank god
Unfortunately hes not a hipster douchebag with no life goals, so naturally I'm not interested.
True love is when you jack off and continue talking to the girl you like
Why do you text me weird shit like this?
Where are you in relation to the mariatchi band?
So shaving my butt whilst humming "be prepared" is now in my top five weirdest Friday night activities.
Well I accidentally flashed a 76 year old woman, i'm in a house full of republicans and Im almost drunk enough to give the gay rights speech so i'd say this wedding reception is going great
Ok. I'm gonna smoke some weed and look at some elephants without you then.
Why the fuck are you playing with legos?
Why the fuck are you questioning me?
One minute we're singing Wagon Wheel, and the next you're belly dancing in a trash bag on the beer pong table
Remember, today is also the anniversary of Harambe's death. D**** out.
Randomize
