tell her no need for introductions. and that you've read about her on the back of toilet doors.
If she catches me sniffing the seat of her office chair again, she's either going to fire me or fuck me
they just did a mariachi cover of free bird
I just got a facebook invite to join a group called "bring back the old franzia spout." i never want our generation to grow up.
my financial goal is to have my cable back before football season starts
I just wanna go home eat some pizza rolls, get warm and jerk off, and it's only 845. This shit was supposed to make me see unicorns. Not cry
he fell asleep like an hour after we got to the beach, he deserved that penis shaped sunburn.
The ONE weekend I don't put anything up my nose, and it decides to bleed like crazy
I think this is the rare instance where the babysitter should get sex as payment from the person being babysat plus you'll get birthday sex. It's a win-win.
These muscle relaxers obviously don't work because I'm harder than a fucking diamond.
He literally said, while inside me, "I would smack your ass but I don't want to wake my mom up". Amazing.
I didn't want dick. I wanted spaghetti.
Saw the Peanut butter guy at checkout he had at least 30 containers of it and like 6 different kinds...
I don't know which is weirder: that she was old enough to have a live-in son close to my age, or that the woman he was with was close to hers
low point of the night : a cop just busted out laughing at me.
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