she actually told me to ignore the cokeheads in the corner with knives.
not exactly restoring sanity, but he is throwing up on the national mall right now
Thank you for getting us into that car accident. I have had more guys hit on me than ever before because of my broken fingers.
okay, please tell me Cammy is the one who put the picture and note on my desk saying "beat off to this homeboy"
Hey it happens. Think of it this way- you didn't wake up in jail, your face wasn't inexplicably busted and you still have all your teeth. In this group of friends, you're on top!
trust me, you don't know shame until you're in a peacock costume getting CPR by random dudes
Trying to take a nap and my brain decides to play "lets have flashbacks every time you blew it with a chick in college". It's a montage of stupidity and youthful inexperience. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
I've got to stop fucking tourists. If Chicagos piazza is anything like their dicks. I'm moving.
learned the hard way that breakfast jack daniels is a lot stronger than lunch or dinner jack daniels.
It's a good thing you're straight. You'd make a horrible lesbian.
You know my vagina and my heart have a mind of their own even when it’s pouring snow.
Tomorrow has nothing to do with the threesome
I am the one with the vagina. I get to call it.
I told the cop I was late for a booty call. He still gave me a ticket but he wrote his number on it
Say thank you and give him a blowjob.
I should have known it wouldn’t work. Someone saved in her phone as “Subway Sex” called the week before the wedding
Randomize
