before i could say "i'm not that kind of girl", i was.
thank you for a lively/lovely evening :)
should have blown me.
I'm eating oreos and watching porn. This is your fault.
my new favorite insult= "thundercunt"
Why is there an empty beer bottle in the shower?
Why wouldn't there be.
Whenever I said your name you screamed polo and did another shot.
I'm starting to blur the boundary between reasonable senioritis and self-destruction. Somewhat-openly hittin the flask in 11am class
her best friend is in town and she told me that they used to fool around when they were drunk and I'd have to "help keep that from happening"
you motherfucker
Can I just say I love that you have a kegorator on your wedding registry?
Ran into my statistics professor at the bar, he chugged a car bomb and yelled "x bar mothfucker!". On average I'm loving this PhD program.
Ive got small boobs, but they sure do like to pop out and party with the big dogs.
Don’t worry I was with my ex husband for 10 years and he could never remember the year I was born, when our dating anniversary was or what year I graduated high school. But I still know that mother fuckers SSN lol
you said, "I wonder what your mum is doing right now." in the middle of sex, of course I threw up on you.
She pulled out a water gun filled with vodka and called it her weapon of choice tonight. She's fine.
Omg. I'm living macklemores best life. I have someone's granddads dog, I'm about to have someone's grandmas car. I look incredible.
Randomize
