Oh shit, I think we need to get you a hobby that doesn't include penises
that last vodka shot was definitely the straw that broke the camels alcohol tolerance level
she's bipolar. she literally has TWO facebook pages. one for each personality. this. bitch. is. crazy.
Soup is not an acceptable meal before doing that many Jager bombs
Well regardless of where or with who you will be blacking out and i will be pouring shots down ur throat like a baby bird
i'm having flashbacks of crying and telling you i was made out of egg salad.
The pride tent is doing free lube tastings. There is also a mechanical bull.
Just sharpening my eyeliner with a butterfly knife. You know. Typical weekday morning.
I'd rather be castrated by angry chipmunks Than live your life for 24 hours
Can I borrow you for, like, thirty minutes so you can lay on one boob and rub the other until I fall asleep?
I honestly feel really bad for any girl with a period that lasts more than a day
Everything about that text makes me want to throttle you and cry
I can insert a female catheter, but I cannot grill a cheese.
Someone left a middle school yearbook here. I recognized one kid from banging his mom last year.
I've decided if you aren't here in fifteen minutes I'm leaving you for Mario the 75 year old Colombian bartender.
I'm mainly pissed because I shaved fucking EVERYTHING for this. WITH SHAVING CREAM. Men do not appreciate how rarely that happens.
Randomize
