Why are there so many empty soda cans in my room?
You put them in a circle around your bed and said it was the best way to ward of the witches from hocus pocus....then you remembered you needed salt too. I'm assuming you havent gone to the bathroom yet.
She looks like Sash Grey but sounds like Fran Drescher. Advise.
i'd date him for the sole reason that he thanks me after giving him head
He sent me an email apologizing for sleeping with her...and by that I mean he sent a picture of his dick to my school e-mail
I puked in my fridge last night while I was trying to get water
I always congratulate people on their vaginal emancipation.
hey dude, just got with the girl in H4. so mark H off the apartment list
haha we are half through our lease and already checked off 17 letters
Can't. Busy recovering from the worst pulled muscle of my life that I got either from excessively acrobatic boning or carrying a huge fucking ice luge down the street while wearing 4 inch heels
I was packing a bowl naked and her dog just stared at me with pure rage
Every time I burp I plan an escape route because I'm scared I'm gonna puke on grandma
you can tell a lot about a person by the quality of their porn
He's got the most well kempt beard I've ever seen and I need it between my thighs is basically what I'm saying
The Olympian is in my bed
He woke up from being passed out on the couch mumbled something that sounded like "Taco" then proceeded to the bathroom only to pass out again, I think we need to learn how to party like him!
I'm totally picking out my shrooming outfit and blankets right now
Randomize
