She gave me a blow job and her mom gave me blueberry muffin afterwards. I love them.
I'm relatively certain my chiropractor just judged me for admitting that my back is misaligned from the sex we had last night...
drunk tastebuds have low standards.
how do I tell him nicely and in french that we can't have sex anymore because his huge penis will ruin me for other french men?
The sex I just had was not worth missing a girls night out.
If I end up married to you I better get lots of orgasms to help me forget I failed at life.
The walls are thin & apartments are narrow so all the bedrooms are next to each other. Our complex could compete in synchronized orgasms.
Bring enough bail money and little extra for tacos after
Hate to say it and even though I definitely have a biased opinion but I'm surprised your not, sleeping with anyone else. Good personality, charisma and amazing in the sack.
Feel free to use me as a reference.
Found my other fake eyelash. In a condom wrapper...
It was his birthday this weekend. I had to carry him 6 blocks, in 3 inch heels. The entire time he was trying to molest me, eat my face, and try to stop every two feet to tie his shoe. He would light a cigarette, forget about it, almost burn everyone, throw it out, then decide he wanted to smoke. He kept repeating that he trusts me with his life.
...Wow...
I could be a kindergarten teacher
I know you're very busy with sleep and things, but when you wake up we need to talk about weirdly shaped penises.
Please don't throw the wedding bouquet at me
Someone signed my nipple.
I'm sorry, but if I hear stories of you getting fingered in the ass, and selling weed, you are not coming to my party.
Randomize
