What tipped you off? The sombrero?
I only make drug deals in a British accent. It's my way of making sure it doesn't get too sketch.
just tried to pee in the sink at wendys...need to stop letting my drunk habits get into my sober life
So I totally just remembered that you tried to smoke a hornet out of it's nest.
dude. this chick is staring at me like i gave her brother herpes.
I have vomit stuck in my nose, you should come with a warning label.
It sounds miserable..I have to wear a dress and it's a cash bar?
I vaguely remember having a cowboy explain his belt buckle to me in the bathroom hallway
I walked into your room and you had fallen asleep smoking a cigarette. You just had the butt in your mouth with ash all over your face.
Probably not well advised, but you're welcome to stop by if your not ready to end your night. You know, for Thanksgiving's sake.
Oh you have the munchies, Dad? That's great and congratulations on the weed but STOP EATING MY APPLE PIE
I found my weird threshold when Truth or Dare became everyone get naked and snort Adderall off the kitchen counter.
He called my vagina "the man cave", and I found it charming
i almost threw up on his dick. its like icarus, flew too close to the sun. except the sun is his dick and my throat was icarus
You kept apologizing to your car for talking behind its back
Randomize
