Drunk
Deyhxbr
Fucaerrrrr
What can I say? I like my food like I like my women, not entirely fucked by our contemporary world.
I figure a girl that drinks as much as I do should always have pregnancy tests on hand
While leaving the bar with another guy I told the bouncer I was sad his friend had a fiancee
You were drinking Everclear weren't you?
Last night you told me you "were too high" and didn't deserve a hashbrown.
I just got fingered in the Win-Co parking lot for pills. How's your meltdown going?
You haven't lived until you've thrown up naked in a hotel room in Fargo while holding your breasts so they don't touch the toilet bowl.
I think the blind guy i flirt with on a regular basis is starting to realize he's old enough to be my father. I can't tell if he's into it or not.
I still have a little drunk in my system
You drunk-dialed me and asked me to describe my burrito
He just walked in on me naked with a beer in my hand eating a calzone in bed. If he wasn't in love with me before...
So you completely disappeared from my memory last night at about my 15th Jager bomb. But only you. No one else.
I’m also apparently a very socialist drunk now
Instead of a horny one. All I want to fuck is capitalism these days.
He casually compared computer science to childbirth and I was like "hey, as someone who has wanted to fuck you for six months now, could you please never talk about childbirth ever again"
I had a date last night. His dog threw up in his bed while we were having sex in it.
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