Spotted: Pepto Bismol pink Scion with Ed Hardy sticker on front window, air freshener, and seat covers. Total Douchette Mobile.
My stomach is making the worst sounds, probably because there is nothing but semen in it.
his roommates stood outside the locked door reading bible verses to us the whole time...
It was as if you forgot how to speak normally. All of your words came out either backwards or in song form
I feel like my teeth are caked on with other teeth. What did I just smoke?
Fantastic. I'm pretty cold, tired, dirty, and hungry, but that comes with an adventurous weekend. Who needs a wallet or keys anyway? I could totally be homeless.
Can we go out and do something semi fancy soon? I feel like wearing a dress and pretending to be an adult.
Just ran into a client at a sex shop. The meeting tomorrow is going to be really awkward as we both try not to picture each other using vibrators or role play costumes.
If there was a build-a-penis, I would build that penis.
Toppless hop-scotch needs to become a competitive sport
I've got your keys and your panties. You can have one back. Your play honeybuns.
So you'd go straight for a fat chick with cheese on her tits?
Yes.
The impromptu 'dance party' was just three white dudes flailing arrhythmically in the kitchen in absolute silence. Stone cold sober.
Dude, you ever snap awake on the toilet at work with that panicked, "How long have I been here?!" feeling??
Even in drag you're still better looking than your sister.
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