hey in girl talk does "want to come over tonight and have some beers with me?" mean i want wiener?
I'm at a party watching some dude try to eat a whole package of Oreos in 5 minutes.
..i think i can hear you losing your virginity
Tried to dry my shoes in the oven last night.
I'm in the Wal Mart stall where we found out you weren't pregnant. This is where I'm going to propose to you. I feel like that would be the most romantic
He broke up with his gf yesterday so he could give me our annual Christmas sex at midnight.
Marry him. Now.
Apparently, my drunken 3AM idea of safety is to send a GPS map of my location to someone 700 miles away. Seriously considering death as a viable alternative to this hangover. Death or Yuengling.
He told me about how he pissed his pants last weekend like it was a normal part of conversation. Within 10 minutes I was going home with him. I think he put me under some kind of spell.
We tried to make ramen in a glass bowl on the stove. They called facilities to pick the glass out of the door
The last time I thought I had a UTI, I ended up having herpes. Sooo.. This time in preparing myself for cancer or death.
What if he stabs me in the back, mid-orgasm, as I sit on his face? It'd be a miraculous way to go but that's not the point
Yeah the last text says "How many your ass,,,,, prepare it" so take that for what it is
i woke up in just my thong, face first on my bed with all the lights on. how hungover do you think i felt?
Got upgraded to First Class and now I’ve got the whole Pacific Ocean to seduce the very hot gentleman sitting next to me!!! Door closing, wish me luck!
I once left mine in my bra and I forgot and I didn't notice it was there until it vibrated.
Randomize