You broke out your mechano set and told us you were gonna "build us a beer machine" and 5 min later you were fast asleep
Lesson Learned this Week... If it seems too good to be true he is probably just trying to get you pregnant.
Dude, didnt you only know that guy for a month and he is demanding offspring?
Apparently, at this age my womb is an early conversation
Woke up naked in another mans house. If that keeps happening, then I probably need to go gay. You know to make it ok.
You guys crashed sarahs vespa into a snowbank and its still there. not cool.
If I were there, I'd be putting a martini in you, via funnel if need be, and you would be doing this thing.
He threw up, and left his credit card next to the puddle. He kept on saying he wanted to pay for the damages.
I have acquired 14 pictures of hard dicks tonight... I was on a mission. Don't even pretend you aren't proud.
I can't tell if I'm hungover or if my cat just knocked the lamp on my face
He's getting off drug court. We're doing a super-blunt with 50 dollars worth stuffed inside. He almost cried tears of joy when we told him.
Clearly it doesn't get better with age. Just more sexual
Sex with you deserves a trophy and a day of remembrance in honor of it.
" my drug dealer just stopped by and did an elmo impression for my 2 year old nephew."
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog
You left your Xanax bottle in my car. Why is the label all smudged?
I spilled wine on it.
How did i spend $200 last night?
Every time you went to get me a drink, you also came back with shots. Then you fell down the steps.
Randomize
