When she said "surprise me" I'm positive she didn't mean "bang my roommate"
Prob not but she was surprised
I wouldnt endorse that guy if he was walking in a walkathon to raise money for a disease i had
Whatever is fine with me, as long as I am dressed in green and end up shitfaced.
Here's the thing. I'm really high and have lots of questions about lightning.
You were pretty committed to that cat costume. Between pukes, you would meow and assure people that you just had a hairball you couldn't get out...
His drunk text included an attempt at quoting a Nyquil bottle in MLA format
She just got out of the car and said "hold on purse.. It's going to be a bumpy ride"
seriously when did my vagina become a soup kitchen for the poor
There's hot sauce all over my mirror, lamp shade and dresser. Also it's your turn for weed
It's like some sort of initiation to finger one of them... so I did it. And got high fived afterwards like a dozen times.
Those were right hand only?
Do you ever actually plan things? Or is it always drugs then whatever happens? I'm considering being worried about you
He sent me a dick pic from his living room and it has pictures of his three kids in the background
Apparently calling shotgun while getting put into a police car is frowned upon
You need to be on (or possibly create) the international emoji committee to address all of these glaring oversights
I'm intrigued by how his mouth tasted the same as his dick.
Randomize
