I think we should boobie trap our beer this time using duct tape, rubber bands, seran wrap, and urine. Trust me I have a plan and it will work.
I'm sorry i'm just too high to handle anything besides pirates of the caribbean right now.
I'm more concerned as to why he has a playlist entitled Dem Club Beats.
i mean he wasn't bad looking, but i wouldn't have slept with my professor if i knew everyone would get an A
Well then I realized I had a bigger problem when I woke up a long board.
I woke up this morning peeing out bubbles . I smell like baby wash . What the hell happened .
I standby a snuggie being perfectly acceptable attire for drunkenly walking your dog at 5am. Our new neighbors did not seem to agree.
I've never used poorer judgment in my life. It's mathematically possible that I impregnated 5 women in the past 24 hours since I won the lottery. But I couldn't be happier about it.
Drunk girl in a bikini just tried to bite my face, it's officially spring break
I SMOKED SO MUCH I SKIPPED A DAY.
The bar would not accept my money. I have reached God status here
Last night at the bar you we're seriously going up to people and pushing through them like they were bowling pins and you were a bowling ball
He started to lick a stick of butter and was calling it Jennifer.
Have you forgotten that this whole sexy cop role play started with a comment about my mom?
sometimes u just gotta ride a dildo and forget about life
Randomize
