The bars here don't close until 4!
my legs don't close until 4
I don't know where I am, but its a Goosebumps novel waiting to happen.
Jizz is so healthy, they should sell it at Jamba Juice. Call it "Jamba's Juice". Genius.
then she woke up from sleeping for an hour and the first thing she said was "i regret it already"
dinner with the girl I motorboated last semester wasn't as awkward as I thought it would be
It took him longer to remove his skinny jeans than it did for him to finish. I didn't even have time to realize it sucked until it was already over.
Sorry you had to see that, but on the bright side...at least I trust you enough to have sex in front of you
It was beyond pathetic. You yelled her name at every blonde chick we saw hoping it would be her. Then you puked your corn dog
Yes I want to fuck your friends but it's out of respect and love for you.
Found her. Shes unconscious up against the room door. Her credit card is in the keycard slot
my liver gets a handicap on account of the whole being diseased thing
This number has temporarily been disconnected and will be restored to service once you get rid of you girlfriend.
I'm trying to seductively eat these M&M's to let her know its on
my night stand is a mini fridge, dont even try to get on my level of laziness.
why is there a porcupine in the kitchen
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