Broke my phone, have no voice AND I was blackout by 3 p.m...I'm betting I had a great time.
I must have had a great time last night.. I woke up with coconut oil all over my glasses
"Is there dairy in semen?" was in her recent google searches...so she's lactose intolerant AND a slut.
The bar posted my picture because my name changes with each new fake i get. i'm getting a wig.
i just was bootyclappin in front of homeless men in a back alley
we didnt even have break up sex...
you had it for us with someone else...
the last guy with this job had a bookshelf fall on him. He's in the Er. Im high and they gave me his shift. How do you think i feel?
Dude you're alone at a bar with a woman, and you're talking about my junk?
True idk how my parents didn't know I was blackout. I ate like 4 pieces of cheesecake and showed my cousins my boobs
There's nothing more awkward than going on a beer run with 3 ten year olds....teacher of the year right here!
He went down on me to the national anthem being sung by Jordan sparks. It was very patriotic of him
Thursday is not a good day to become a felon... It's bingo night
Yeah I was just reminiscing about that time a seagull shit on your head at the beach
I don't trust him but hanging out with him might be fun
he's literally satan but yeah probably
I smell like cotton candy and guilt.
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