I'm gonna start referring to my vag as my ladygarden
Just made nachos out of string cheese and sunchips and laying in my bed watching babay einstion..get on my level
you were sleeping on the floor, then you woke up and told me you were not comfy enough. You took the carpet in the bathroom put it in the bath and you slept there.
Just stabbed myself in the face trying to lick melted cheese off a kitchen knife.
he referred to his penis as the bashful dwarf from snow white
I don't mean to ruin your favorite Disney movie...but...we both came when Mufasa died.
"So you think you can dance" turned into "so you think you can run and slide across the bar"...Jack Daniels wins
I'm basically a mama hen. I keep them warm and let them wonder around the house. not to mention, I keep eye on them just in case the falcons around the house try to snatch them away.
I don't even know what to say right now
BTW my friend remembers her as "the one with the pronounced chin"
It's like hey here is one penis enjoy nothing but that for the rest of your life
I mean, the sex was awesome last weekend, but I didn't even imagine I'd reached ovarian rupture status.
Just shaved my crotch so I could call it the bald eagle. Happy 4th.
what's your room number? I've never been there sober...
We spent our last night together taking turns vomiting in the bathroom. I'd say it was a romantic trip.
I'm eating dinner with his parents and my phone goes "MOVE BITCH GET OUT THE WAY!" Thanks.
Randomize
