I dint menn to makr ut w brtendr
Wat???
U lft me at bar, no cassh for cab, may have slept with bartender
The girl I was getting head from just called my dick an anteater...I hate my parents for not cutting my cock tip off.
Lowest moment of my life just occurred. I literally threw up all over myself in front of my parents.
You missed out on a serious adventure. Cops were called. We put a chicken in someones house.
My mom's 50 year old alcoholic friend just told me about how she was more whoreish then us at our age. Challenge accepted.
There is a contact in my phone named "Bar Mcntysu." this is why we need a third person to go out with us.
So I saw the nuva ring just lying on the counter at Planned Parenthood...did u know it's just a ring? I could go to the Dollar tree buy a plastic bracelet and shove it up there instead.
You do that. Then go have lots of unprotected with your harem of booty calls and see how that works out for you.
Sex on roller skates
Floating mattress
Tie
my first words to him the next morning were "do you like magic"?
Sorry if this is weird, but please don't have sex in my truck. I get to be the first...
His idea of role playing was him wearing the halloween mitt romney mask while I gave him head
the only thing you said was do the helicopter dick
All I know is when I checked my phone this morning google translate was open with "help the cow ate my robot" translated to French
He asked when the last time I had sex was. I had to look at the clock and respond "12 hours ago"
I never thought I'd be on my couch watching Star Trek, getting my tits rubbed while crying.
Randomize
