If you text me again I will gut all of your stuffed animals.
Dude, I found out the hard way that she wipes back to front. I ate her out and had to throw up.
he keeps his weed in a birkenstock shoe box. its like, we get it, youre from oregon.
Now I'm watching The History of Sex on the History Channel. They're talking about how repressed the 30s were. I think I understand why grandma is such an angry person.
I'm at Lowes and I'm constantly looking for things to vomit in, just in case
I got to the point where it seemed like she had 8 giant breasts instead of just two
I'm ordering a large vanilla ice cream with rainbow sprinkles so when I vom tonight it will look like lisa frank dolphins in acid trip colors
Their engagement party consisted of them doing shots, yelling at each other, leaving for 30 minutes, and coming back with smiles.
I'd say they're off to a great start!
The shit I just took was four, very distinct colors. Jager night was a success
I just watched Matt try to put on a pillowcase thinking it was a t-shirt.
There's a woman at the bar holding a baby with one arm and doing shots of GM with the other. The baby is crying. I have lost faith in humanity.
The problem with having sex on the couch is that your blanket ends up in the laundry and you're left cold on the couch the next day.
i definitely signed you up to receive text message notifications from a jukebox last night. Not even sorry.
I got a lap dance last night from a girl while I was wearing a Captian America onsie. My life does not suck.
I'm going to confession for the first time in 6 years. Where do I start, the gay sex or rampant alcoholism?
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