why the FUCK would i wear makeup on my vagina!?
I didn't notice until this morning that he had a six inch RAT TAIL...
When the cops knocked on the door, he just knocked back and announced "house keeping"
I was trying to sing daddy wasnt there from austin powers but apparently I was crying and and yelling jibberish...I get to into this shit
Do you have any idea how hard it is to concentrate on legal issues with the ghost of his giant penis in me?
Throwing up so forcefully that toilet water hits you in the face is not what the Pilgrims and Indians had in mind for this holiday
Too many penises have met your hands. Stop or die.
The bottle of Jameson may have been a bit aggressive for a Sunday cookout.
Here you are just trying to masturbate and I'm talking to you like your an initiate for some secret society.
Well, I have a text in my phone that just says "Scrumtrelescent" from a girl I have in here as "Cheesy Tits", so you figure out how my night was going.
My head feels like Jesus is projectile vomiting hammers on it
Went home last night with a guy in a tutu, didn't know he was wearing a tutu until he threw it at me in the bedroom. God I love Halloween.
I was gonna turn him down, but he correctly identified a song from Pocahontas.
I just realized I haven't looked at our horoscopes lately. If mine says anything about tweakers, I'm burning my phone.
Oh shit oh shit oh shit.
BURN THE PHONE.
I plan on getting so intoxicated, that I think it's MY own birthday
Can I play this game?
Randomize
