First off: I'm drunk so fuck you. Second: you weren't a bad girlfriend. Tres: thats 3 in spanish. Number 4: fuck 3 Doors Down
are you serious? he told me he had to cancel bc his grandma came into town
well unless his grandma is 21 and blonde, HE LIED TO YOU IDIOT
im spending all my christmas money on new years parafanalia aka things I will ingest or lose by the next morning
bet u 5 dollars u can't guess were i woke up this morning
oh god.. jail?
better, on the catwalk of the auditorium
He came on me while singing crank dat like soulja boy, fuck our sex life has reached a whole new level of low
he kept his composure pretty well until he puked on the cop car
just had to re-breakup with her. it was like shooting a dead horse that was crying and talking.
Yeah I hope so. Definately just saw two freshmen in very authentic togas and cotton ball beards. This new class is stepping it up.
Cops came. Forced us to take the "Honk and We'll Drink" and the "Free Shots to Father's of Freshman Daughters" signs down. Before we did, someone honked and the cop said, "Aren't you gonna drink?" They then told us to move the party inside by ten.
my favorite homeless guy just told me I drive like Batman, achievement unlocked
Oh my god i hate key west. No one takes amex and strippers took all my money
You don't know commitment until you try and waterproof a non-waterproof vibrator
So I'm sitting here baked on a bridge thinking about how plants think, I miss you so much
There's a baby in the strip club. I say again: THERE'S A BABY IN THE STRIP CLUB
I don't know how much expertise I could offer. My best advice is, "don't drown, for god's sake don't drown"
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