Dude. I tried to convince her to eat poprocks and give me a blowjob. It did not work out well.
I want to apologize 3 days in advance for what's about to take place on St. Patrick's day.
Its 11am everyones wasted wearing sombreros and eating fresh produce..cesar chavez would be very proud
They're making scrambled eggs at 2 in the morning... with rum
Is it bad that I just used Smirnoff as mouthwash?
Drunk tip #47: Its better to overestimate how many plastic bottles itll take to urinate in, rather then underestimate.
Apparently we both projectiled on Erin at the same time.
That's some true roommate bonding right there.
Her life is filled with shit luck. Its like mother nature is having her period and just taking it out on her specifically.
It's just good to know that when I drink like a twenty year old I still act like one.
It's like my uterus was saying, "hey, you're not pregnant, but imagine if you were!"
I don't want random pictures of your morning wood. It's like, what a glorious morning oh a penis.
This is my punishment for trynna have a festive time with a stranger. I always forget you can't get weird with one night stands
I really don't know where my pants are, but that's not the problem. When are you going to unlock the door?
I ended up sleeping with him in a public bathroom because neither of us remembered where we lived. I have hit a new low.
Skipping class. Wanna Drink now?
yea. just give me 15 min to write a paper.
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