I'm ready for my liver to be the last casualty of 2009
I honestly get shocked all over again every time I pull his pants down. It's one of those feelings you never get tired of.
This dude. Just lost. A finger. He asked us for tape.
She's either too fat to type, hammered or has terrible spelling.
He was very impressed that you could put your hair in a ponytail by yourself while throwing up.
I need a vacation from myself..this is duely noted after I tried giving myself a concussion last night
My weekend will be all about the double d's, desert & debauchery
Literally best acid trip ever. Better than sex. At one point she looked over at me, started crying, holds up her hands and said "dinosaur tears of sadness". Craziest roommate ever.
My month off booze swimsuit season diet plan is working well. Plus I'm learning so much about my house, did you know a girl named Meagan lives here?
I want a calm night. Not one where I wake up to you topless and bloody.
Not a clue. But I did find out that his penis has a British accent.
Apparently it's illegal to hit pedestrians with coke cans... But the cop complimented my arm. That's a win in my book.
Do not take the D yet, he needs to be worth it. Your Vagina is GOLD.
Well just saw that professor I hooked up with on campus and I look like a dumpster baby
So what's the protocol on sending your exes new wife a baby shower gift that says "thanks for getting him the hell out of my life, please keep him there!"?
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