My booty call said shes done doing the walk of shame. Wtf is that?
It's what anyone that sleeps with you, specifically, does when they leave. Some do it even when they just think of you.
It was so romantic--he turned me around to face the sunset during doggy-style over the couch back.
if you don't let us come over today i'm not taking the second plan b pill. your call.
My body has become completely dependent on Text Twist. I can't poop without it.
I just heard the term negative masterbation and I don't believe it
You were directing traffic around her for 30min after she passed out in the middle of the road.
You really are best friends.
I think I'm drunk. That wine was old. I found it behind the water heater next to the mouse poison.
I can't feel my brain.
Woke up in the front yard with a chalupa and a firecracker in my back pocket. It's what the founding fathers would want
WHEN DO I FOLLOW THESE PEOPLE. I WOKE UP THIS MORNING &FOUND TWEETS FROM ILLUMINATI AND "hot shot 6th grader"
Just had ice cream and a blow job come together in one glorious, defining moment.
I was so gone I thought the cops banging on my door were kids from the party trying to get into my room... needless to say, I started moaning louder so they would take the hint.
If I just skip sleeping, does hangover still happen? Gonna try it. Will report back. StTAND BY
Living alone for four weeks has given me unrealistic expectations of pantslessness.
My friends said as soon as you walked in, I motor boated you like there was no tomorrow.
Yeah, I liked it.
She was talking about how a garden gnome was hitting on her the whole night. We thought she was just that high, but turned out the gnome was that guy in the weird hat.
Randomize
