I find it ironic that homeless people are so good in bed
Just saw a squirrel crossing the road in a crosswalk..my morning has improved exponentially.
This was all being yelled across a beer pong table as all important things should be discussed
needless to say, I hope she has to get an abortion again
ill do whatever it takes for me to get more high and eat pie
so im sitting outside the gym eating a 20 piece nugget stoned out of my mind, convincing myself this is more productive because im so close to the treadmills.
The only way I could get him to agree to hook up with her is telling him I'd hook up with him next week.
will barter weed for kareoke machine...
Something about getting whistled at in my work clothes while crossing the street with three Nuvarings in my back pocket feels wrong.
They want yo temporarily sterile ass.
I puked up my nose. THAT kind of night
Well I have rug burns in both armpits, somehow. So yes you should have been here
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
My mother just set me up with the son of the man I fucked last weekend. I could crawl under a rock and die OR I could remember the rules of genetics and hope that JR takes after daddy. Wish me luck...
Woke up to find that I was cock blocked by no more than three people.
btw...it's noon and i'm sitting here drinking wine and eating pixie stix. I really need to find something to do...
Randomize
