two words: eviction party
how should i go about explaining the hickey i drunkenly gave myself last night?
do guys with small dicks even attempt to pursue romantic relationships?
I had a dream that our used condom started talking to me. I told me that I did an amazing job, and told me that it saved me. From aids.
RA chick in a Christmas onsie chased us up 5 flights of stairs. I need to stop violating guest policy
Just called the consul general of France "dude"
Who shows up to work two weeks ago still drunk and freshly high on blow and gets a promotion and a raise? This girl. Good at business. Super good at being fucked up.
You go to bars with sophisticated older men, I steal lawn ornaments. Priorities
Something about Sunday night screams phone sex
Sup man, did you have a 3way this month if so it would be 3 for 3 for the house
correction: my vagina hates that I'm smart.
I feel like the universe head butted me in my balls. That hungover.
.... My lady balls. Cuz I'm a lady.
I should have listened to my dad and mean girls... If you have sex you'll get pregnant and die.
It's a shame, really, because he's got the cock of a horse... And the personality of dry toast.
I'm bleeding and intoxicated as I'm walking to my final right now. Wish me luck
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