I woke up on my floor...
I woke up with colors of the wind playing on repeat on my laptop...
dude 8 am is too early to start pregaming for new years eve
clearly you are not from wisconsin
my mom just wingman'd for me at a bar. i really don't know what else to say.
wait a second. did i just remember you the other night referring to your tits as tia and tamara.....
idk but i have you stored in my phone as 'guy with beard doing body shots'
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
It started out just like any other night: was watching a Zach Effron movie, drinking tequila out of a water bottle. I don't understand how this got out of hand.
We've completely outdone ourselves. We packaged a collective total of six grams of pot and salvia into little bowl-sized tinfoil capsules. It's totally impossible to tell which is which without comparing, every Friday from now on we pick one out and see what the fuck happens
That feeling when you're ready to convert to the religion of whatever god will stop the vomit. Dynamite is illegal.
when you're a senior and the freshman guy you wake up next to asks who you are, you DO NOT give him your real name.
just for future reference, lake water is NOT mix for hard stuff. nor is it an adequate substitute.
Son of a bitch took my liquid eyeliner
Letting Freddy Krueger eat me out = HAPPY HALLOWEEN TO ME!!!
Were you seriously humming twinkle twinkle little star while cupping my balls?
I fucked a 6 foot tall guy who has abs showing without even flexing... I am a wizard and I have magical powers.
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