forecast for tonight is alcohol, low standards and poor decisions.
Do I have a sign around my neck that says "SWM desperately seeking ultra-plus-size woman that likes everything I do"? I swear they're organized
No, but you do have a sign around your neck that says "Free cupcakes."
im in his phone as 'great ass to tap'
I just rubbed my dick on something in your apartment. Can you guess what?
is it customary for a bride to wear white even if she's a whore? i feel tie-dye would have been more accurate
I don't care if its bassically 3rd world. A country without a drinking age is a country without a drinking age.
There was a staple in my grits at waffle house last night. My knees are bruised as hell. And I puked pink all over my bathroom. Gooood night.
captain&coke to the library. STAT. this is an emergency. this is not a drill. I repeat: THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
The packers need to win more often, Andrew keeps drunk calling me and confessing his undying love for me in between puking and taking more shots.
I knew no one else would have gone along with it since it's morally wrong and probably illegal. You said, "Yes. And let's add fireworks."
Just smoked a joint with the hottest patient. God I love night shifts.
strip vodka pong is never a good idea. I saw into his colon when he picked up the ball off the floor
I just shotgunned a beer and my lipstic didnt BUDGE. MERICUHH
I've started drunk signing up for 5ks. Who even does that?
Just did. I played that shit out so casual I deserve an Oscar. Or am Emmy, or whatever the fuck you get for acting like a boss
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