He keeps apologizing for not being able to get hard when he's drunk. We havent even left the club yet.
does my mom think that having an ed hardy lighter is going to get her laid?
There is a girl in bio drinking beer out of a starbucks cup with a straw
we went to get a refill in his room and ended up having sex and passing out. then he woke me up with sex and gave me a beer for breakfast. i never want this to end
Hindsight is 20/20. Or a bladder infection.
Really? Uh ohh sounds like a double date with extra stripper funnnn
Hey, I think I showed you a picture of my nephew while we were fucking last night. Sorry, I know it's weird, I just really love that kid. Again, sorry.
You were talking to yourself and eating cold cuts in the kitchen when I found you
I woke up this morning with my hand on his dick. That sneaky bastard.
How do you clean human pee out of a carpet
Inconspicuously
I don't know why I bit your face last night but I'm sorry .
i'm sitting in bed scratching my boobs and wearing a sparkly fedora and have no one to blame but myself
Usually it's tequila, or vodka. But today was just the devil
It's only considered alcoholism if you're drinking from something other than a cup....right?
Went to waffle house after dropping my sister off at school and got into a heated argument with a drunk/hungover philosophy professor I will not name. I won the argument.
Randomize
