listen. just hotwire a car, take off the license plate, make up a new one on a sheet of paper and go the speed limit. i do it like, at least 3x a week.
After you pregamed and were plastered you saw the cop was parked illegally so you gave him a citizens arrest
Even water is tasting like jack daniels
Thanks for sticking it out with old horseface last night... I owe you one buddy.
I really want to know why half of my kitchen floor is missing.
having someone tell me to "prepare my vagina" is not really something I want to hear..
My mom's 50 year old alcoholic friend just told me about how she was more whoreish then us at our age. Challenge accepted.
My worst case scenario tonight is that I fuck a hot Swiss girl. Let that give you perspective on my life at the moment.
I am in my freshman residence hall trying to convince an Asian man to give me my pants back. Never. Drinking. Again.
When I realised he had a girlfriend I just started telling them about my ex and how I write poetry about him. Which I then read to them. They just gave me pity looks and left me to finish my spliff alone.
She needs to go. She is like the Yoko Ono of our group.
Much like Dre, I was forgotten about.
He finally delivered on the dick pic, and Jesus Christ, it was worth the wait.
You know you threw a brownie at my head last night. And said you did it to defend the turtles honer....
Roommate charged out of his room in pajamas yelling "MAKE IT RAIN" and just threw $4,000 in fifties onto my head. My Friday night.
Randomize
