Just got to costco. Where are you?
Liquor aisle, bring another cart.
I just had a flashback to last nights party, I'm pretty sure I told most of the people there that I post a masturbation schedule for an iCal download.
She fell out the car soaking wet and screaming "im wearing a fedora!" then tryed to seduce him on the front lawn in front of his middle aged neighbor
All I remember is doing a naked tuck and roll of your bed.
I've got mace and a condom. Ready to roll either way and keeping my pimp hand strong.
I'm sitting in front of a fan naked drinking Gatorade. Motherfucking hangover probs
Nothing is worse than post drunken playoff baseball loss sex
You have no idea I looked like the porno version of Laura Ingalls Wilder
I just bought a 1/4 oz of pot from a coworker who's old enough to be my grandfather...I'm never leaving Portland.
I m a li title tea p or short and sto u. T.... Here is my haaandley
C ANGT CATCH NE IM THE GIBNGER BREAS MAB
If I make it home without being sick in this captain's hat it will be a fucking miracle.
I WANT BLOOD. HERS. I WILL DYE A FABULOUS PAIR OF SUEDE PUMPS RED WITH HER BLOOD.
I woke up and couldn't find her. She had somehow managed to get into the closet and lock herself in. She was crying for her boyfriend. Thirsty Thursday at its finest
so you might not believe this but he made a powerpoint. and gave you a 3.5/10.
My ex's sister asked me to be her date to Thanksgiving. Should I go?
Threesome!
Randomize
