I don't even know how sober sex starts anymore
I'm playing wingman, but I want to pull a Goose and die.
We just described beer as "big boy apple juice" to his 2 year old.
She's like a pop up book from hell.
You sat on my knee, like Santa, while I peed.
Although I am concerned about who made the decision to let you loose in a bridal show I am proud to see you in a sombero again.
No longer allowed at circus circus apparently fuvking in the elevator is frowned upon.
I need to establish a pattern of dominance early.... I'm like a slutty Cesar Milan
You told me "I need to pound this drinks if I'm going to pretend his dick is big enough" then left. Dollar night quotes 2012
Remember that time i gave you head on MY birthday and you made me stop so you could watch the rhino part in 300
He said the first movie he ever jerked off to was Titanic because he knew "they were totally doing it in that car."
I'm still getting random messages from guys about my Halloween outfit. Electrical tape is coming back next year
There's just something so liberating about drinking a beer with no pants on
I can see your house from here
Get off of his fucking roof
We showed up to the ER to pick him up and I was still wearing face paint from the game. Then I threw up in the sink. Those doctors did not like us at all.
Randomize