dude. I'm so drunk.
pete, this is bryce's mom
I can't wait to have my cock in your ass
pete, this is still bryce's mom
There could not be a more unattractive person. She just told me her period was so bad that she got sick. I think my penis retracted and killed himself
on the last problem of the exam i just drew a picture of a cat and left
We had literally Just finished having sex when he handed me a plan B and said he lied about wearing a condom.
The beer is more important than you right now.
You. Me. A bottle of Vodka. The wilderness.
you were upstairs in your room looking out your window and saw him puking in your bushes outside. you then proceeded to open the window and sing Come To My Window
I immediately knew he was tripping, he came over with a grocery bag of snow balls and a bike helmet on and asked if I was prepared to die for my country.
I just chugged whiskey at 7 AM because going to breakfasts at Brendas doesnt seem right if Im not real drunk. I feel like when Brenda takes my order she can tell Im drunk and will take care of me.
I'm proud of all of us. Somehow we all survived another Jägerbomb Tuesday
My name will be tattooed on his ass by sunday.
I'm at that point in my life where keeping an extra pair of underwear in my purse is normal.
See, remember when you wanted to get an Ashley Madison account and I told you not to and you hated me? You. Are. Welcome.
Nobody likes ball hair. Not even gay dudes
She just kept feeding people pretzels and sayying "You're such a good goldfish."
Randomize
