Ever have the mailman look at you like youre a chronic masterbator. I have.
i havent had this much fun since the last time i farted and it created a boner.
he said 'i want to be the peanut butter to your jelly, just without the crust' and then tried to take me shirt off
My student's should feel privledged to see me tuesday after the amount of alcohol I consumed this weekend.
He doesn't know I'm infertile yet, that's when the sex gets good
i don't even want to say how many boners i've caused this week
He just said he was the Jesus of alcoholics.
uh, 3 redbulls and 400mg of caffeine pills and i still feel like life is in slowmotion..lets not take tranquilizers again.
So the bartender tried kicking me out but i screamed im an RA you cant kick me out
You were all "think outside the box, inside the bag!" as you filled your camelback with beer.
Itd be nice if there was a level of interest in me somewhere in between the indifference and obsession that I've only been attracting
Ooo, yeah! Thanksgiving will be a blast. Can't fuckin wait for the next round of "have you found a nice young man yet?" Followed by a lovely helping of "don't worry, there's someone out there for you."
Well I didn't know she was a dominatrix...so I kind of just went with it
All I wanted was a couple of orgasms before work, is that too much to ask?!
Doing the walk of shame from the back of a Jeep to the porta potty it's parked next to while your dad watches is not what you want.
Randomize