I don't know where I am, but its a Goosebumps novel waiting to happen.
Just wanted to remind you that you literally cut the underwear off a man.
btw he is cheating on one twin with the other. the main woman in his life has a mullet. I defiantly have either the coolest or weirdest uncle ever
i think i figured out where our problem might have started...when we poured more tequila on top of out margaritas to melt the ice bc they were too cold
hahaha or putting rum in the bbq sauce?
my sober ride is dancing w/ a fat girl. i might be awhile
Doing Jager Bombs on a Sunday morning is justified...How else is my team going to win?
Oh you have a half-brother? Why that's right up my alley! Let's cause family strife
Tearing families apart since 2011.
No if my life depended on you fingering me just let me die
I dont think getting to 3rd base with a girl you barely know is the type of memory they had in mind when they named the park "memorial park"
I'm using toast as a chaser. If I wasn't already so fucked up this would be revolting.
Ahh, 151. Think of it this way: it took one shot to get you buzzed, I took eight. I may or may not have broken a tv with my skull that night and met someone's parents naked and hungover the next morning.
Sadly, she's the porn star that got away
Omg last night I was giving shots out like I was the Willy Wonka of the alcohol world.
COME AND FUCKING GET ME I AM IN SOME SORT OF JUNKYARD!!!
He ate me out on a washing machine in the 24 hour laundromat. Whoever watches that security camera footage is getting a show!
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