Just cropdusted the office
foreplay: 7 minutes. sex: 3 minutes. cuddling: 10 minutes. getting dressed: 5 minutes. commute: 5 minutes.
Some bum walked up and watched me getting head last night for like 5 mins before I noticed him
Ya know, in a round about way coinstar is just a glorified vending machine for all my bad choices.
Im having a christmas reunion party tonight. Last year i ate my own contact. We'll see how this year goes
While you wait, fill out your state patrol application. Not trying to be your mom, I just really want to fuck a cop.
Last night I flashed a car full of people my tits for a bag of pretzels so yeah I'd say I was at least tipsy.
As pissed as she was, you would've thought I was trying to get back into his pants instead of his booze collection.
I plan on blacking out and milking a cow
I completely forgot I gave up beer. But airports don't count. They're like international waters. No rules.
Dude I asked him to get me beef jerky at 4 am and he actually walked to CVS to get it. CVS closes at 12 but it was the perfect opp to dip out
I feel fine lol. I tried climbing a tree but the branch broke and I got arrested.
how is it I left wearing underwear then ended up with none? and why is it they are on you?
At Target. Everyone is stocking up on food and flashlights for this storm. I stocked up on beer. Dont judge me, it was on sale...
Don't drink and try to take a shower. I thought I was drowning
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