'hiiiigh' is saved in my t9 for a reason
Is it a bad that I spent my 5 year anniversary with my husband texting my ex boyfriend?
I'm going to make him fall in love with me one blow job at a time.
Holy shit. This 2 year old just told me her nipples were for her boyfriend. Hello future leaders of america
Don't worry. This time I'll get black out drunk so they'll just think it's an American thing.
Upon further investigation it turns out it wasn't blood, but chocolate frosting from the cupcake I shoved in my pocket to "save for later"
It's hard being an adult. And by that I mean it's hard to tell the boy you like who rejected you that you can't share a room with him at white party because you don't want to see him bang other boys.
I'm cool with a hey old buddy how have you been want to fuck me in the butt kind of thing
Just a heads up... Don't get high and attempt to do your own taxes
I dapped up a cop while leaving the party
Mashed potatoes are always the fuckin answer ok.
So yes we had an orgy last night and I sucked your tits while you fucked my husband but I am weird about sharing my toothbrush.
You didnt text me.. I'm on your street with golf clubs
He sent me a pic and then I suffered dick amnesia about the rest of that
He showed up in a Prius. I didn’t even wanna.... So I left.
Randomize
