her teeth looked like a whores toenails, i was too horrified to
This is why I shouldn't be left alone with liquor and anticipation.
The walk of shame is far, far worse on crutches.
fyi, she knows we call her the sperm bank. watch your back.
we bribed her with croutons and jello shots.
Champagne is a vitamin, right?
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
I hope our bodies realize that workaholics starts tomorrow and will be well enough to handle the hell we are going to put them through. amen.
I try new drugs instead of new boys. That way you can't scold me about the importance of condoms
Did you leave ur panties in the sink?
Kitchen or bathroom?
Just convinced a housekeeper at work to set up her 401k. Gotta start hittin the gb every morning before work. Happy 420
Holy shit, we're married as fuck.
This makes me appreciate being single with no prospects.
The awkward moment when a lady ask you what kind of lipliner you're using, but really I have just finished eating hot cheetos.
i just want to cuddle, make out and maybe have a boob grabbed but no. someone has to have mono.
Randomize
