You make homosexuality sound like a cult.
I just farted. And everybody around me is looking at the fat girl to my left. I win.
We made a drinking game out of poaching eggs. When did our life turn into a really awesome version of Top Chef?
I just used my med student white coat as ID to buy beer at 9 in the morning
The tornado sirens were going off and everyone just ran to the liquor store. .
She just stuck her hand down the strippers pants. Shit just got real.
Dear Derek. I would like to offer my sincerest apology for the 2 to 6 text messages you are about to read. Also for the 15 minute voicemail, which may or may not have sent. Sincerely, Sober Katie
I just saw that blonde chick you wanna bang rolling down the hall wearing a Thor mask..
Wow. We're meant to be..
I'm dressed like a deranged cupcake. Let's get fucked up.
We have 24 days left before I leave for college and 21 condoms left in the stockpile. Are you up for the challenge?
Some girl just ordered Chinese delivery to her therapy appointment...
I don't think this guy is worth it unless he's a skilled sexual amigo
I've had 5 hours of sleep and I still smell like sex with the Colonel. I don't appreciate spontaneity.
I wanna riverboat gamble on your vaginal waters. Just sayin
I either have a problem or a really good solution... I just ordered my homecoming dress off of a website that sells forplay outfits.
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