I just found a frying pan...in my bed.
Your sister thinks she pees out of her clit. Did you have Sex Ed or Sunday School growing up?
in hindsight, drinking 2 bottles of wine probably wasnt going to put me in an optimal position for a job interview
just left the emergency room. condom extraction.
His mom told be she once got turned down for playboy. 1 biggest mistake Hugh made. 2 is she hitting on me?
Currently shopping online for cardboard cutouts of various horror characters. That should teach me roommates to stop taking acid on Tuesdays.
it wasnt a pity fuck per say. i wasnt attracted to her, but still thought 'that looks like a fun ride'
I blame it on the rum. It keeps jumpng doqn my throst.
We were talking when all of a sudden she reach and started squeezing my dick and goes "nice." and then just kept the conversation going like nothing happened.
3-9 out of 10... Depends on the situation. Taco Bell is more of an idea than a restaurant.
How stoned are you?
It turns out my English teacher used to pose for Playboy. She's an inspiration.
You were wearing a cookie monster onesie and telling everyone you were actually the sausage monster..
On the bright side I still got laid
I came over to get dick...not to watch you vacuum....at 2 AM
Rum and your dick are involved. You're relying on the unreliable narrator.
I broke a rule
Which One?!
The one where I shouldn't sleep with your friends. I broke this particular rule 4 times.
You're officially the worst brother ever.
Randomize
