I was staring at you from my window across the quad. I wanted to let you know so it's not creepy
I'll write directions out on a napkin and slip it to him. Then say P.S. The UTI is gone.... that's not creepy at all right?
Their flight hasn't even left yet and the 'buy food to keep yourself alive' budget is gone on tequila.
In hindsight, trust falling your grandma was a bad idea. Sorry about that.
Facebook stalking a girl from Germany is harder then you think.you have to copy and paste all this shit into freetranslations.com then try and piece together an awkward sentence. If only I could put this energy into something productive.
Not till Sunday. I'm going to sleep in my car. And I know. This place is insane. Blood on the stAirs 5 dollar slices of pizza. A girl on our floor had a stroke.
I received a letter in the mail from my ex equipped with a used condom,dirt, some hair, and a nude portrait of myself.
I've been timing it. He's been showering alone for 33 minutes. 4 minutes ago, he said "truth or dare." haven't heard anything since.
Well at least you learned that cops don't like when you call them frenchy. Nice dive over the fence by the way.
Seriously, I look like I crawled out of a bog. Succeeding at being as undateable as possible.
When nipples stop being hilarious I'll stop getting them out in public.
Trying to do the walk of shame over here WHY are there a hundred ppl on the el?! Thank god I pulled a summit and wore casual clothes I even stopped by the farmers market and bought some squash
Vibrator fell off the top of the dresser and hit me. This might be the most embarrassing black eye incident ever
...and if you can get the necessary ingredients to make the Buffalo Chicken Melt, I will latch forever at your Teat of Justice.
It's all part of my master plan: have him buy me all I can eat pizza and all I can drink beer AND THEN tell him there was no spark and we're better off as friends.
Randomize
