something came early last nite... and lemme tell u it wasn't christmas...
my greatest accomplishment from the city of diplomacy is that i puked at a table of 5 diplomats and my professor and NONE OF THEM NOTICED
I was about to smoke a bunch of weed and lay naked while I cried all day
Yes and yes. Got taken to a Florida strip club. I desperately want to flood my eyes and ears with hand sanitizer right now.
I just kept screaming "I'm fucking a preacher's son!" Also, this water tastes like weed.
Seeing your one night stand on campus never gets less awkward. Why is Subway the only good place to eat?
Carson kissed me on my cold sore before I could stop him so I think I gave my kid herpes. Mom of the year. Just call me MOTY.
Can I just have sex with him and then never talk to him? I need him to be the Mr. Miyagi of my sex life.
Stop calling dibs on everything with a vagina you jackass.
That should be the title of my autobiography.
It makes showers more interesting trying to drink a gin and tonic and keep soap out of my eyes at the same time.
You need to calm down.
Do you want me to add this to the list of actions I will state at your intervention
Don't judge me. It's a Monday night and I can eat burritos in while bathing in the kitchen sink if I want to.
She's high and screaming MEREDITH IS A WHORE
Ill try not let guys feel my boobs for free drinks next time, no promises tho. I am my boyfriends worst nightmare.
He adjusted my bra straps while I blew him.
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