he puts the penis in happiness.
between my moustache and how drunk I am it will be a miracle if I get laid tonight.
Just hooked up with a girl I met in line at Taco Bell. I told you leave me to do my own thing and I'll get it in
It's like my ice maker knows when I wanna get drunk
It's ok. Rob's just shotgunning upside down.
I mean, I thought you would respect me for turning your life around for the better. It seems just yesterday that I found you in a ditch with a cock in your mouth.
Also, am I the only one who noticed he didn't fuck you until after you were technically a cripple? Or am I reading into this too much? Congrats on that btw
he fucked me so hard i could feel my pelvis shifting. like i legit feel more prepared for childirth now
The only thing keeping me calm right now is pretending to chop off everyone's heads when using the paper cutter
How do you feel? I threw up in a towel. Also, a lot of other things.
You want to complain about your sex life to me? Right now mine consists of trying to masturbate lightly enough not to wake her up with bed shakes. Go. Fuck. Yourself.
Just ate a gummy bear I found in my sheets. So yeah, 2013 is SO gonna be my year.
They are the perfect team. One always has weed, the other always has cigarettes. They're like the Batman and Robin of drugs
His life is a porno. He snapped me while banging a girl in the back of the ambulance.
I've just realized that today's rations have consisted of turkey bacon and jack Daniels.
Randomize
