I went for the touchdown every play, and I think I ended up with herpes.
Would it be cruel if i sold xanax instead of adderall to freshman unfamiliar to the drug-taking profession?
CAUTION: TWINS DO NOT HAVE TWIN PENISES.
i just like, need to vent to someone
Can we skip the part where I pretend to care and fast forward to the appreciative blowjob from you?
And the funny thing is when I went to the kitchen this morning, all 4 pizzas were still there in their boxes, untouched. My question to you is: what were we eating last night?
You know what I'm hearing? Blah, blah, blah, I have pneumonia, blah, blah, blah, I'm a quitter. COME OVER AND PUT YOUR PENIS INSIDE ME.
Bring your friend that fell asleep in the bathroom for my friend.
Hey girl, do you remember you made me brush your hair with a plastic fork on Saturday night?
Come over. I've made 2 dinners and so many cocktails. I'm a 50's housewife with no family.
If there is a ladylike way to throw up in your favorite toilet, I just did it.
And one groomsman rode a suitcase cart like a skateboard until he crashed and took out a piece of sheet rock. Later he pulled out his nuts.
We poured all the Fireball on the Slip and Slide and long story short I have two black eyes.
Don't worry about us we're making Mac and cheese
MAC AND CHEESE ABORTED, WE HAD FIRE
Nows a good time to tell him. Just be like "yeah, I used to bang her too and it didn't work out for us either". He'll understand.
I need dick so bad, I’m dressing sexy for the school pick up line and sports practices to entice a few of the DILFs
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