so remember that time i slept over and came home in the morning to realize i left my vibrator next to the faucet for parents and brothers to see? this is worse
I just saw at least a dozen senior citizens on roller blades. way to drunk for this.
Man the liquor store just wrong numbered me, its a sign even god wants me to drink
I burst into tears on the boat this morning because we bumped a duck in the head. I am way too hung over for today
currently taking a solo cab to the strip club at 1 in the morning. this is healthy.
Tried to dodge fire in poncho. Fell through fence. Blood everywhere.
All i'm saying is it doesn't matter how drunk you were, at 26 years of age you should always remember to take down you pants before you shit in the toilet
My professor laid down on the floor and told us a story that involved being naked covered in Vaseline with a pumpkin on your head. No lie. This is going to be a great semester.
Judging by the ckaw marks on my back i'm gonna go out on a limb and say that blonde chick was a werewolf. A sexy, kinky werewolf.
Senior week was like trying to herd cats. Very drunk cats.
how come you came home with "Amanda owns this" written on your forhead
At least life still wants to fuck me.
Soo I'm in the trunk of a car drunk about to jump on trampolines. My life rocks!
its like probably shouldnt be sending pics of your asshole to strangers who work in the same building as you
I'm still very high. To be blunt. No pun intended.
Randomize
