It was the gentlest way I could hit on a girl who just got hit by a car
She just got in car wreck. Wreck sex is better than break up sex
We just did a shot to "getting laid in the bar bathroom". I love where this thursday is headed
If you're fucking that other dude, I'll take the sloppy seconds. I don't care.
Anything that comes outta your cooch is bound to be breathtaking
That could use a little rephrasing
That's actually a fantastic idea... The kinky sex dungeon will be vastly improved by the addition of a lightsaber
I was just informed that I have the perfect belly button for body shots... Best compliment ever.
Don't you judge us. Sockets make ideal bowls
day drinking caused me to be in bed at a decent time. can't complain.
I never thought in a million years that I would have a threesome with my boss and his wife and yet here we are.
it's unicorns you uncultured swine
He asked me if I've ever had my ass ate and there was no polite way to say yeah your brother's pretty in to that 😂 I went with "no"
Hey buddy, turns out those were the PB&shroomwiches, soooo you may want to reconsider dinner with your girlfriends family tonight...
I'll be back in a hour going with Jason to get his nipples tattooed back on again
Newest quarantine problem - I’ve watched all of the porn. Like everything on the the internet, all the DVDs, mags, VR, leisure suit Larry all of it and I’m still horny af
Randomize
