we are driving next to a guy driving and masturbating while looking at a naked magazine. I love LA
This is why I'm not putting my name in lights over your bed.
friends don't let friends hook up with gingers.
They've started ranking girls from "paper-bag" to "I just came." Please come get me
it wasnt like "sexy" or whatever. like...she was smiling just standing there butt ass naked
tasteful.
the last thing i remember saying is "hope you like body hair"
I have my ice chest next to my bed. Instead of breakfast in bed, its beers in bed. 10x better
could you please not use my mortar and pestal for its intended purpose? i just snorted cracked black pepper.
Just bought koolaid for my vodka in a DARE shirt with my NES wallet. I'm everything I thought I'd be when I was 8.
Except even better, boobs get discounts.
Whoever owns the butter that i always steal out of the office fridge definitely put THC butter in there this time. Shit just got real.
I'm still getting random messages from guys about my Halloween outfit. Electrical tape is coming back next year
I'm making mistakes. Coming up with girl now
I hate me. That girl was hiiiiideous.
I wish more of my problems were easily solvable by taking a good long shit.
Do I have to cook for the potluck? Can I just bring a costco size bottle of Vodka?
God I miss you. I would very much like to have sexual intercourse with you. I'm home eating chicken alfredo.
Randomize
