Dude if it is possible to orgasm from shitting i think it just happened.
Prostitute standing on the corner thrusting at cars as they drive by. New marketing strategy?
I blacked out, fell off a swingset, and thought I was Liz Lemon for almost an hour.
i knew it was time to leave when he woke me up only wearing pooh bear oven mitts and holding a plate of thank you pancakes
French people screaming and throwing stuff out the window. We told the manager and he's pissed and going up there. This is gonna be like cops. Maybe better than cops.
You said your legs stopped working and then pulled yourself around the floor with your hands.
That explains the wood chips stuck in my nipples.
I hope your fat roommate breaks the bunkbed and crushes you in your sleep
We may have picked the wrong resort. Brenna and I have already been propositioned for swinging twice and we've only been here 3 hours
There is nothing quite so awkward as watching topless bullriding with your mother next to you..
I realized I used a copy of a biography of JFK as pillow last night...
Happy Fourth.
They only searched every other person. But I sacrificed myself to get our vodka across the border
The guy I'm talking to drunk texted me his essay last night and he asked me to revise it
I am literally watching TV with sunglasses on because the brightness hurts my hangover
They kept freaking out that you were missing and potentially having sex.. like it was a bad thing. Got fed up with hearing it so i just yelled "ITS HER BIRTHDAY AND SHE CAN FUCK IF SHE WANTS TO!" They gave me unnecessary looks. I thought it was acceptable.
Literally I woke up the other day and the girl part of me was like “GET CUFFED MOTHERFUCKER” and I went ham on tinder.
Randomize
