The whole way homeyou were flapping your arms up and down, and when I asked why you said you were trying to tell Tony Danza about the angels.
I didn't join FB to see my only child straddle that boy in all her pictures.
He cant even get with danielle. Thats like striking out in t-ball
The lawn was on fire, but I fixed it.
You left your underwear on the fireplace
I'll tell these girls I'm like the pet adoption center...don't play with it if you're not taking it home.
All I want is for every tall lanky young guy who is reading in a Starbucks to go balls deep in me. That's all.
I'm gonna take my bong and hot box the pirate ship in the daycare playground.
Can I tell you that I just incorporated the spice girls in my sexting and you not judge me
You realize that if you get murdered while we're talking, I'm gonna have to explain to your next of kin why the last thing on your phone is a picture of my boobs.
sooo the guy I beat last night in strip pong is the manager's husband at my new job...
I'm not finished with being a sloppy white girl alcoholic. I didn't postpone having a husband and kids for sober weekends.
my morning attempts to try to have sex with him was interrupted by the passion of the christ parade going on outside my house
I was so high I just stared at the papa john's app on my phone and cried
The air I exhale reeks of whiskey and bad decisions
Randomize
